2017 Freedom Workshops

Join me in Lynn, Massachusetts for 4 dynamic workshops this year! Coming in March, “Understanding Mental Illness” — a must for all Christians as we need to be ready to respond well to those who suffer in our midst. Our June workshop will feature great content on communication and conflict resolution and in September we will explore how to deal with regret and shame. We’ll wrap it up in November with some helpful tools for managing life, incorporating information from my book “Getting Your Life Under Control.”

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Tickets and special online savings can be found at mkt.com/freedomworkshops or you can Like us on Facebook!freedom-workshops-2017-frontfreedom-workshops-2017-back

Love

Our final week of Advent anticipation focuses on the greatest of all eternal things: Love. Perhaps the most backwards concept in our society, love in God’s kingdom is something that is described as a definition of God Himself. God is love. Not God has love, not God is loving, but God is the very definition of love.

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On earth we think of love as something we give. In God’s kingdom love is something He is. We think of love as something that makes us feel good. In God’s kingdom the spirit opposes the flesh and conquers sin through sacrifice. We think of love as something you fall into. In God’s kingdom love is something you enter into intentionally.

This Christmas, what does it mean for us to love? First, let us embody love as God does. Let’s not just do “random acts of kindness” or loving things, but rather may love pour out of us continually as a definition of our character. Second, let us love in ways that do not bring comfort to our own flesh. When it’s hard, we love. When it requires sacrifice, we love. When it means we put ourselves last, we love. When what we want conflicts with what would protect another person, we set our selfishness and pride aside. Humility is required for this kind of love. And this must be cultivated and matured. One cannot “fall into” this love any more than one can get in shape accidentally. Real love requires continual training and refining of our inner lives through the work of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus said to love your enemies. Jesus gave up a position of power to be made weak. Jesus poured into a man he knew would eventually betray him. Jesus restrained his tongue when false accusations were thrown at him. Jesus resisted temptation and got to the very end of Himself when in His hour of deepest need His Father no longer seemed present. Forsaken, despised, rejected. Only in God’s kingdom is love possible in such circumstances. In the coming year may each one of us be stretched to love farther than we have ever loved before.

Joy

Have you ever seen the movie Inside Out? If not, you absolutely must watch it immediately after reading this post. The movie is brilliant in capturing what is going on inside the human mind. A main character is Joy, who acts as a leader among all of the emotion characters. There has never been a more accurate depiction of my inner life than in the character of Joy. She is fiercely determined to maintain her optimism and the harmony of the group. She has endless positive energy (though this is tested in the challenges she faces) and others look to her when decisions need to be made.

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As much as I love that movie, I have to pause to ask myself, “Is that what the Bible means by joy?” Certainly we know that joy is not the same as happiness… In James 1 we are told to “consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds…” Few of us would be happy under challenging circumstances, but we can have joy. Just as we discussed last week regarding peace, joy is a product of the Spirit and not something we can achieve ourselves. Valuing what God values in his kingdom will determine whether or not you can connect with joy — things like suffering and hardship are seen as valuable gifts in the life of a Christ follower.

So what is this joy to which we can connect this Advent? If it is perhaps not quite energetic optimism and it isn’t happiness, what is it? I would define joy as an attachment to long-term hope. Regardless of my circumstance right now, God is still good. He will overcome in the end. He will guide me and mold me into his likeness if I allow him to. I do not think joy has to be expressed with energy or extroversion, though this is often the assumption. Perhaps true joy is something that cannot be expressed and is most keenly experienced in intimacy with the Spirit. Like a quick glance between friends, when a look is reassuring and confident all by itself, joy is the experience of the Spirit giving us a wink. “Just watch what I’m going to do with this one…” his presence assures us. Confidence in God’s strategy that works all things out for our good… Christmas reminds us that God has always had great and surprising plans up his sleeve and he always will. In this Advent season, no matter what you are going through, I encourage you to watch and wait with joyful anticipation as his plan unfolds.

Peace

As we continue to reflect this Advent season, the concept of “peace” is one that has tremendous significance in the conversation about mental illness. Anxiety and peace are often seen in opposition. Those who experience symptoms of Bipolar Disorder, Major Depression or Schizophrenia may also seem to lack peace. So is peace a feeling or perhaps something much more?

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Peace is listed in the Bible as evidence of the Holy Spirit (called the “fruit of the Spirit” in Galatians 5). Therefore we can conclude that peace is not a feeling, as feelings are temporary and affected by a lot of environmental and biological factors. Peace is not something that stems from deep inside ourselves nor is it an earthly phenomenon. True peace can only be manifest when the Holy Spirit is at work in a person’s life.

Philippians 4:7 talks about the “peace that passes understanding,” or as I have often suggested to my clients, “peace that doesn’t make any sense.” This supernatural peace extends far beyond a flimsy feeling. Rather it is a direct outpouring of God in the midst of circumstances or disorders that come with worry, fear or anxiety.

Think of peace like a room. You can enter into it when you make a decision to seek it. It is outside yourself and is much more of a place than a feeling. God offers us ways to partake of his peace through holding on to the truth of his Word, or encountering his Spirit in prayer. This place we enter is not of ourselves, and thus it can be accessed by anyone. It does not depend on our ability to achieve it. Peace is simply a gift from God that comes when we begin to grasp the idea that he is so much bigger than us and he loves us greatly.

This Advent season, take a moment to reflect on peace. Is it a room you can enter today? Consider it an alternative to the Hectic Room or the Conflict Room. No matter your struggle, symptom or circumstance, pause to enter the place of peace.

Hope

As we begin Advent, I consider the themes of Hope, Peace, Joy and Love. Each week of Advent I will post a brief devotional thought connecting the struggles of emotional/mental health with one of these themes.

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Psalm 119:147 (NLT) – “I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.”

Have you ever experienced a season in which your life sounds like this verse? You wake while it is still dark, you are in desperate need of help before the day even begins, and the only thing you have left is some flickering hope that maybe God will come through on what He has said He will do. For some, these struggles last for more than just a season, and it is in this wrestling that we truly understand hope.

Hope is not a feeling. When we mistakenly treat it like a feeling, we rely on the wrong things to make us feel better. Hope is an attachment to something outside yourself that is bigger than you. Hope is a belief that something might get better someday. Hope is the idea that today’s struggle is not the end of your story.

This week as we begin Advent, take a moment to reflect on what brings you hope. Is there anything you cling to in the midst of pain and struggle that keeps you in the fight? We know that one symptom of depression is hopelessness — when the depth of darkness is so severe that you have no strength left to cling to anything. If that is your experience, please reach out to a professional counselor for help. These symptoms are treatable and can get better with guidance, self-care and sometimes medication. New Life Ministries (1-800-NEW-LIFE) keeps a national list of Christian counselors and may be a helpful starting point. At times I tell my clients that when they are unable to carry hope for themselves, I will carry it awhile for them. May we all as Christian brothers and sisters extend this grace to each other daily.

The Truth About Liability

One of the biggest concerns that pastors and counselors raise about the Church Therapy model is liability. Having a professional practice within the church setting could expose the church to certain risks that would not be present if the church simply refers those with mental health problems out to a nearby practice. When treatment occurs within the church setting, the risk of lawsuit could be higher.

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To address this concern, let us first look at some common liabilities for churches. We’ll begin with perhaps one of the biggest liability risks that almost every church has: the youth group. Whether a church employs a youth pastor or has a volunteer staff, a youth group presents a host of legal dangers. Gathering a number of individuals for whom impulse control is difficult and taking them in church vehicles to engage in activities such as swimming, skiing, or boating is a pretty risky endeavor. Yet I have not met a pastor who would discourage all youth outreach and activity for fear of liability risk.

A second liability risk is untrained counseling ministries. Biblical or lay counselors do not carry professional insurance and are not bound by state ethics boards. These ministries pose a much larger legal risk than Church Therapy because counseling is being done outside the bounds of state licensing boards and professional standards. A church paying a pastor to counsel or allowing lay leaders to offer counseling ministries could be sued if a parishioner showed signs of mental illness that were not properly diagnosed or treated and then went on to commit a crime or harm him- or herself.

Click here for a great article outlining these and other legal risks churches face.

The Church Therapy model reduces the risks of legal liability in several ways. First, a Church Therapist is a licensed professional who is upholding ethical standards for practice. Secondly, the Church Therapist can and should carry their own professional insurance of at least $1,000,000 per incident and $3,000,000 aggregate. No other type of church staff member has an ability to carry additional, personal insurance covering their ministry activities. Third, the Church Therapy ministry can be set up as a sole-proprietor private practice or even an LLC. While operating in the church building and on the church staff, the Church Therapist will likely have contracts with insurance companies that will not be in the church’s name. My practice, for example, is legally my own but is housed within the church and operates seamlessly within the church’s daily life.

The larger question that one must ask when thinking about liability is this: what makes the Church Therapy model worth doing? Why not just refer out and avoid the entire issue? Let us again consider the youth group. There are plenty of youth organizations in any given town or city. Why doesn’t the church simply refer the youth who come to the church out to engage in the activities of those agencies? If the YMCA is going on a fieldtrip, why not send the youth with them and avoid a church liability risk? Hopefully the answer is obvious. If the church is to have influence and work in unique ways to heal the hurting and guide the lost, it must run its own programs to do so. Community partnership is wonderful, but liability cannot be the reason we abdicate our God-given role to shepherd and lead. It is central to the Church Therapy model that services provided excellently within the church setting present a more accessible means of treatment that can be done directly in the context of other forms of spiritual growth and discipleship. Referring out to a private practice immediately decreases the rate of follow-up in accessing those services, removes the partnership with the pastor in the counseling process, and disconnects the parishioner’s mental health recovery process from the way the church is already working with that person.

Don’t let fear be a driving force in your thinking as a pastor or counselor. Working with broken people is a risky business, and we must be willing to take on reasonable risk while at the same time maintaining a quality of work that is above reproach.

Counsel Vs. Therapy

I have frequently heard pastors and lay leaders in the Church assert that it is the role of everyone in the Church to provide counsel. Christians cite verses that describe “godly counsel,” such as Psalm 37:30 (“The godly offer good counsel; they teach right from wrong”) and Proverbs 27:9 (“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense”) in supporting their notion.

When I recently saw a tweet that again made the statement that all in the Church should provide counsel, it reminded me of what many in the biblical counseling movement have said about pastors and their competence to counsel. These verses suggest that godliness is the fundamental requirement for becoming someone who can provide wise and helpful counsel.

Note that I have not yet used the term “counseling” and I have certainly not used the term “therapy.” Why? Because these terms refer to specific treatments provided in mental health situations. And it is simply not the same thing as godly counsel.

Allow me to define some terms. “Counsel” is often referred to in the Bible as “advice.” Certainly there is a sense that wisdom and godliness provide a Christian with some discernment in a variety of situations. If a friend confides in you about a struggle she is going through, you might provide some wise counsel to her that would support God’s words in the Bible. You may have experienced a similar situation in life and you could offer advice from your own experience.

“Counseling” or “therapy” as I am using the terms here is specifically NOT centered around advice-giving. While discernment is necessary, it is a different level of emotional discernment used by trained and licensed clinicians in mental health service delivery. Therapy offers a place for a person to work through an emotional problem for herself, with a trained guide who possesses skills such as Motivational Interviewing and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. An understanding of family systems and biological/psychological factors that influence our emotions is also a necessary skill. These factors along with spiritual wisdom and understanding are essential for providing mental health care and seeing the person in a holistic manner.

For comparison’s sake, let’s consider a scenario in which a person has a sore back. A close friend could perhaps give a basic back massage to ease the pain for the moment. But a physical therapist would have training and skills necessary to repair an injury. When anxiety, depression, trauma, Bipolar Disorder or other brain dysfunctions are present, godly advice simply will not provide the right kind of response. And in fact, it may do more harm than good as it often reinforces wrong ideas that make a person feel that their symptoms are a result of a lack of faith. I would argue that this type of response is actually not even godly advice at all as it creates wrong assumptions about God and illness. It is not based in spiritual or biological truth.

Can all pastors and godly followers of Jesus provide counsel? Assuming they possess wisdom demonstrated in the way they live their lives, yes. Can all pastors and godly followers of Jesus provide therapy for mental health problems? No. It is time for pastors and Christians to stop using these terms interchangeably so that people who need medical and psychological care can receive it freely with no stigma attached. And it is time for trained, licensed Christian counselors and therapists to actively provide these services where people seek them: in the Church.

How to Build on Positive Choices and Avoid Downward Spirals

Have you ever been tired of falling into negative patterns over and over? Don’t you wish you could take some of that life movement and turn it into a positive, upward spiral? In my book, Momentum: How to Build on Positive Choices and Avoid Downward Spirals, I offer 9 principles to help you do just that.

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Momentum is a word that expresses a continuity and increase of motion — a ball gains speed as it is rolled down a ramp. It is a verifiable law of physics that once a ball has begun rolling down that slope, it will roll faster and faster until it bumps into something that stops it. Human behavior works in much the same way, for when a person begins to take action (in a positive or negative direction), that action leads to more actions that turn into a larger life path. We’ve all heard of downward spirals — one bad choice leads to another and another until we find ourselves far from where we had hoped to be. The good news is that we can also spiral upwards, gaining momentum as one good choice creates a sense of success that helps us feel as though we can make another good choice. Knowing that I needed to write my first book by a tight deadline in order to begin my second and so on kept that positive movement going, and you can learn to set and achieve goals in much the same way.

Perhaps you are already tired out just thinking about building momentum. Sounds like a lot of work, right? In the beginning stages of moving into action it will feel hard. You may wonder why you are bothering to try. When you do not see immediate results you will very likely want to give up. You may write me nasty emails telling me that momentum is for the birds. These feelings are normal, and when you are prepared to face them they can be overcome.

Unhealthy living in the short-term is always easier than building positive choices for the long-term. If it were easy to live a healthy life, more of us would find ourselves naturally doing it. But you don’t get into shape by accident, suddenly waking up to find that muscular six-pack you had wanted when you have never lifted a weight in your life. You don’t get to the gorgeous summit of a mountain if you haven’t hiked up to the top. And you won’t experience the sense of fulfillment and pleasure that positive choices bring until you’ve put in some pretty hard work.

From a biblical perspective, getting and keeping that ball rolling is known as perseverance.  James 1:2-4 describes the possibility of growth when we persevere through trials. In this passage, we see the first action step in our response to the trial we face: joy. This does not mean we have to feel happy about what we are going through. But it does mean we respond to hardship by acting on the truth that God desires to see us grow no matter what we face. Suddenly that trial can be seen as an opportunity for something greater, even if it is only an ability to join with Christ through the experience of suffering. That ongoing conversation with God (prayer) and an outlook that is focused on growth and God’s purpose (praise) are the first steps in building perseverance. When perseverance is fully developed, we will be “mature and complete, not lacking anything” (NIV).

Another biblical example of building momentum in your life is found in 2 Peter 1: 5-11. Take a moment to read this whole passage, which is too long to quote in its entirety. Here we will look specifically at the end of verse 5 as well as verses 6 and 7:

“Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone” (NLT).

Here we see clearly this idea of building on previous growth and positive choices, as the Christian begins with a simple faith and then over time grows in following Christ’s perfect example. The following nine principles will help you take positive steps towards spiritual and emotional health in your life:

  1. Retrain Your Brain
  2. Avoid the Mental Debate
  3. Focus on Routines
  4. Get to the Other Side
  5. Keep Treading
  6. Turn a Lose-Lose into a Win-Win
  7. Live in Reality
  8. Grow Deeper, Not Broader
  9. Become a Leader

Each chapter offers four strategies to implement these principles in your life. Check it out on Amazon!