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Resource Spotlight: Redeemer Counseling Services in NYC

There are many forms of Christian counseling, and one model that is a close cousin of Church Therapy is the church counseling center model. In this model, a church or group of churches establish a Christian counseling center, making mental health services accessible either in the church building or at a nearby site. In this model, there is usually some distinction between the pastoral staff of the church and the counseling center staff (who may or may not attend the church and do not have direct staff roles). For very large churches, this counseling center model is often a great way to meet the needs of a significant number of people.

I’m excited to let you know about Redeemer Counseling Services in New York City, a ministry of Redeemer Presbyterian Church (most commonly known for its famous, now retired, pastor Tim Keller). In addition to providing counseling services in several different locations around New York City, Redeemer Counseling Services seeks to offer resources for pastors, churches, and Christian counselors to help them start or grow their counseling programs. They offer workshops, service manuals for counselors, and a 9-month fellowship program. When you subscribe to their monthly newsletter, you will get tips and further resources to help you address mental health issues in your congregation.

I often say that the mental health situation in the church requires all hands on deck. We need private Christian counseling practices, church counseling centers, and church therapists integrated into the church staff/life. There is no one model that is right for every situation. We will serve the church best when we work together in the roles to which God has called us in order to end stigma and provide care in a holistic and Christ-like way.

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Happy Summer!

Just a friendly reminder to practice self-care and take some time off this summer. I’m taking a few weeks away from ChurchTherapy.com but more great content will be back soon!

In the meantime you can still catch my daily devotionals at FreedomForToday.com.

Blessings!

Kristen

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Crisis Intervention

Today I was reminded again of the role a counselor can play on a church staff. If you have ever worked at an urban church, or any larger church as well, you probably know that Sundays are an all-hands-on-deck kind of day. Anything can happen at any time. You just never know. And in Lynn, Massachusetts, you really just never know what a Sunday will bring.

We had a missionary sharing a testimony about a young girl with a troubled past. As she shared, a women in our congregation was both moved and triggered into what appeared to be a somewhat dissociative state. She began wailing loudly and shouting, “That’s my story! That’s my story!” But it was not entirely coherent and it was unclear what was going on. The usher team went to her but were unable to coax her from the room. My husband tapped me and I went to her seat. I looked at her and used body language to show her I was listening. I heard her say again, “That’s my story!” so I told her that I wanted to hear her story, but we would need to go into the lobby for her to tell it to me. She gladly came with me and we helped support her weight to walk out the door as she was so hysterically crying. We ended up outside and someone brought her a cup of water. I sat with her and listened to what she could tell me between gasping for breaths. She had been abandoned as a child and was never able to forgive her mother, but today after hearing the testimony of a young girl she said she was set free and she could finally forgive.

In the meantime, the disruption triggered a few other people with mental health issues. One man came to us outside and said, “Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?” and had difficulty responding to our reassurances that she was okay and being taken care of. He too needed reassurance and to know his concerns were heard. He told us that he had just gotten out of the psychiatric hospital, where the patients look out for each other. We moved him from the situation and told him we were glad he was there. At the same time, another man nearby started talking loudly and repeatedly about how he won at bingo last night. His perseverating continued until I could pull away from the woman (now being listened to by the missionary who had been speaking earlier), and I went to the man to hear his story of bingo victory. I congratulated him on his $25 prize and thanked him for telling me about it.

It struck me that in all of these situations, the key to de-escalation was listening and joining with the person in his/her version of reality in that moment.  Everyone just wants to be heard and believed. Everyone wants someone to be glad they are there. Everyone wants to be treated like a person. Afterwards, I debriefed with our usher team who had done a great job calmly and respectfully helping serve each person, and I shared with them some of the de-escalation strategies I had used. Church Therapy is about so much more than the four walls of my office. It is about understanding mental illness and using informed practices to handle every person with dignity and care. Church Therapy creates a church culture that does not bat an eye when someone exhibits symptoms of mental illness in a more visible way. We are simply ready to respond and provide care in any way needed. Because of this, everyone feels welcome and safe.

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Celebrate Freedom!

If you have followed me for any length of time, you’ve probably noticed I like freedom. A lot. I offer 4 Freedom Workshops each year at my church to talk about emotional health in the Christian life. I write daily devotionals at FreedomForToday.com. My theme verse is Galatians 5:1, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

When we live the Christian life trapped by the weight of our burdens, we miss out on the freedom that Christ came to bring us. All of us have emotional struggles, and many of us have symptoms of mental illness. These are not the end of the story. There is freedom for you, even if your symptoms do not disappear. There is hope for you, even when your prayers have not yet been answered. And in the eternal kingdom of God, those symptoms will be healed and those prayers will be answered — sometimes on earth, always in heaven.

As you celebrate freedom this July 4 (sorry, non-American friends, just work with me on this one…), remember what real freedom is. Real freedom is the fact that you can sing praises to Jesus from a jail cell (or from the confines of your room where you might be currently ill). Real freedom is the fact that grace is covering you right now. You don’t have to be perfect for God to love you deeply. Real freedom is the fact that your past doesn’t have to define who you are forever. There is hope, there is freedom, there is a way out.

If you are struggling today, we accept and love you exactly as you are. The ChurchTherapy.com community is a group of people who understand and we do not stigmatize. We believe that the Church should be a safe place for you. Freedom is found in the absence of judgment and pressure to change. Ironically, it is in the safety of non-judgmental relationships that change is often most possible. If you want to get closer to Jesus, you will when you are given the space to do it freely. God  himself chooses to give us the freedom to come to him or not. During this week of freedom celebrations, if you are experiencing freedom, go sit beside someone who is hurting and reassure them that you won’t leave their side until they are free too. It’s what the Gospel is all about.

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Why “Trust God More” Is The Wrong Answer

I’m all for trusting God. Really I am. I live my life in such a way that I am increasingly dependent on God. But even on my best days, I know that I cannot possibly trust God enough. I can’t understand him enough. I can’t thank him enough. I certainly can’t do anything to give back all that he has given to me. That word “enough” is automatically a comparative one — an arbitrary measure of a quantity that satisfies some type of requirement. “Enough” doesn’t even exist in relationship to God because we never can get there.

I’ve known a lot of people who have struggled with symptoms of mental illness as Christians. Many I know and work with are facing depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms and bipolar disorder just to name a few. And sadly they are often given “Christian-y” answers by well-meaning people who want to make everything better. They are told in subtle and not-so-subtle ways to “trust God more.” Just like “enough,” “more” is an arbitrary comparison to something else. If I have a dollar and you give me “more,” you could give me one penny or one million dollars. How do we know when “more” is “enough”?

If on my best days I’m doing all I can to trust God with my life, then I am spiritually growing and seeking the Lord. On my worst days, I’m still trusting to the degree that I can. If someone is struggling with physical symptoms of a brain disorder, they have a lot they are working to trust God about. And I know that there is no degree to which they can trust God “more” to have their symptoms erased. I believe in miraculous healing for cancer and anxiety and diabetes and broken legs, but I certainly would not encourage people with these disorders to muscle up some more faith like they’ve got it just laying around to spare. I’m going to walk alongside them through their daily struggles and take on their burdens as my own. I’m going to weep with those who weep. I want to lighten their load with any supernatural ability the Holy Spirit gives me, not throw a greater burden on them to make myself feel better.

And this is why “trust God more” is the wrong answer when people are hurting — it abandons them in their own pain. We might as well say, “Okay, run along now. Go fix your physical and spiritual suffering yourself. And if you can’t, I’ll shake my head and be disappointed in your poor choices.” We may not say those words, but we imply them when we tell people to trust God more. Instead of hanging the wounded out to dry, let’s draw them in closer. Instead of “trust God more,” let’s say, “I’ll carry hope for you while you cannot,” or “I’m here for you if you need anything at all. I will pray for you daily in the midst of your pain.” Reach out. Call. Bring a meal. Intercede. Write a note. Care. Against such things there is no law.

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Resource Spotlight: Brittney Moses

I’m excited to bring a new feature to ChurchTherapy.com: the Resource Spotlight! About once a month I’ll feature someone who is making a great contribution to the conversation around faith and mental health.

This week, we feature Brittney Moses, a writer and mental health advocate who’s changing young lives one individual at a time. Brittney’s been featured in The Christian Post, The Huffington Post and Project Inspired to name a few. From 2012-2016 she led an organization called Unashamed Impact, which “encouraged young leaders to rise to their calling and be proactive in their cities through leadership development and community outreach.” This year she has shifted her focus to her studies and her writing. She has studied psychology and is working in the mental health field, certified in Mental Health First Aid.

Brittney’s website (and app!) are awesome resources for people who are thinking about faith and mental health. She offers journal prompts for every month to get her readers thinking about some important personal issues. This month is all about living beyond fear, with prompts such as “Is it better to risk failure knowing you tried or not risk at all? Why?” and “Write about an experience that grew you this month.” She’s sensitive to the complexities of faith and mental illness, asking questions about anxiety but not diminishing the physical aspects of mental health problems.

Her blog is found on the “Healthy Minds” tab of her site, and she tackles topics like depression and self-harm. She has a voice that clearly connects with young people and her site draws readers in. She launched the “Faith and Mental Wellness” app in April of this year, and it connects users to her blog features as well as to a Facebook community. App push notifications offer snippets of wisdom that are helpful reminders throughout the week. She also offers a “7-Day Anxiety Detox E-series,” which features biblical tools that work within a cognitive-behavioral therapy framework. In addition, she connects people with mental health treatment resources so that her readers can more easily find Christian counselors.

We need as many voices as possible in this conversation about mental health in the church. Let’s all lift each other up and tear down stigma together! Great job, Brittney!

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Why “Sin” Doesn’t Explain Everything

Somewhere right now, a devoted Christian finds herself worrying a lot. Another has thoughts of dying, even sometimes wishing to be dead. Yet another seems to be “on the straight and narrow” for a while but then goes on what his pastor describes as a “sin binge.”

What do all these people have in common? They are committed followers of Jesus Christ. And they all struggle with mental illness. Would you recognize them within your congregation? Since 1 in every 4 adults struggles with mental illness at some point in their lives, probably not. They look like anyone else, far from the stereotypes of movies with psychiatric hospitals.

Often when people struggle with emotional problems, they turn to their pastor or church friends for guidance and help. “Why can’t I shake this fear and worry?” one might ask. Too often, the response creates a blame-game: “You just need to pray about it. Cast your cares on him. Don’t be anxious about anything.” The problem is, if we could do that, we would have done it already.

Sin is often the go-to answer when we see Christians (or non-Christians for that matter) struggling with a problem. A manic episode, in which a person’s behavior can get out of control and even dangerous, seems an awful lot like someone sinning. So we default to the “go-and-sin-no-more” answer and we feel like we are quite Christ-like in our guidance. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.

The brain is a critical organ in the body that has a lot of control over what we think, say, and do. While the Bible teaches us to be self-controlled, not everyone has the same capacity for self-control. Due to the fact that there is a larger curse on the world (which is sin-created but not a direct personal sin), some are born with or develop decreased abilities to manage their lives in ways that meet an ideal standard. We know we have all sinned and fall short, yet those of us who can manage to keep our lives looking put-together do tend to feel pretty proud of ourselves. We are the worst at giving unhelpful advice that does more harm than good.

When things go wrong in the brain, our capacities are diminished. This is easy to understand in cases of developmental disability. The intellectual ability to understand complex theological principles cannot be a requirement of salvation, or any who do not possess that could not enter the Kingdom. Mental illness is less tangible or visible to a distant observer. One cannot always assess (without training on mental health symptoms) how able a person is to manage their emotions or behavior on their own.

So do we just give everyone struggling with mental health issues a pass on sin? Of course not, as that would harm them. But we cannot expect that their symptoms will go away if they would just stop sinning. After all, I know I can’t stop sinning on a daily basis… why should I expect that to be helpful advice for someone else who is clearly struggling?

Where do we go from here? First, encourage treatment, including counseling and medication if needed. Healing and restoration is the heart of the Gospel, and when we take steps to get well we are choosing not to accept sickness as a status quo. Second, be a support. Don’t try to fix the problem or make it go away. Make a meal, give a ride, offer encouragement to press on. And finally, learn more about mental health disorders and symptoms. Building awareness within our church communities helps decrease stigma and improves follow through in treatment.

After all, no one minds an understanding friend.

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When Pastors Need Help

Church leadership comes with pressure. Eyes are watching how you handle yourself. People are evaluating your performance. Those whom you serve can become critical and judgmental when they disagree with your preaching or ministry. Admission of sin can lead to the loss of your job. So what do you do when you need mental health treatment and you have a church to lead?

Establish Weekly Accountability and Support

If you are a pastor or ministry leader and you do not have a clear list of people with whom you can be 100% honest, you are on your way to a major fall. Sin can trap us all, and the only way to avoid snares is to catch them early. Most problems don’t start out as major problems. Who are you calling when you are tempted in an area that has owned you before? Who do you lean on when you have a discouraging day? Who do you tell when you have thoughts you would rather not say aloud?

Once you have established who those people are (could be as few as 2-3), then you need to have regularly scheduled times that you talk. You can’t wait until you feel the need to reach out. Church leaders need weekly check-ins. Most of the time when a problem is in its earliest stages of formation, those who know you best will spot something that is off. My best friend is more than happy to call me out when needed, and often in ways I did not see myself. We all have blind spots, so we need people who are hearing our detailed thoughts and getting a weekly report on our actions.

Seek Help Outside Your Circles

When your closest friends spot red flags, it may be time to seek additional help. If that discouraging day turns into a few weeks of despair, your friends will hopefully spot that pattern and encourage you to talk to a professional. Don’t put that off and simply wait for things to get better or return to “normal.” Chances are there are things you need to work through, and if you have never been to counseling then it’s a great time to start exploring all that lies underneath the surface.

That being said, pastors cannot always seek mental health treatment or counseling in their local communities. These counseling practices might be the referral sources for parishioners of the church, and a pastor may feel unsafe talking to someone closely tied to the church. Don’t hesitate to drive an hour to get to counseling. It’s worth it and you will not regret getting the help as early as possible when you notice a problem. There are also some online counseling options now, which can help you connect with a counselor completely outside your sphere of influence.

Be Willing to Walk Away

If fear of losing your job or your ministry is causing you to solve your own problems in secret, you have an even bigger problem than you think. You need to be willing to lay even the ministry to which you have been called at the foot of the cross and walk away. If your stress level is so high that you are struggling to function through a day, or if you are so depressed that you are having fleeting thoughts of suicide, it is time to step away from ministry for a season. If you keep going and try to push through your problems without seeking help, you are far more likely to become disqualified for the long-term. Taking a 6-month or year-long leave of absence to take care of your mental health is a lot better than reaching a point where you can no longer serve as a leader at all.

You are not a superhero, nor are you called to save the world. Pastors and church leaders must take care of themselves and their families first. If you take time away from ministry for a season, God may show you some broken places that need healing. Or he may reveal to you some new next steps in your calling. When you attend to your needs and seek help from God and others, you are making a physical and spiritual decision to choose to live in health. Satan is eager to devour you in any way he can, so don’t give him room to work by ignoring your own mental health.

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NEW Pastor Training Video: What You Can Do

Pastors and ministry leaders often ask me for ideas on what they can do to respond to mental health needs in their churches. There are so many big steps and little steps a church can take to educate, network and treat mental health problems. This Pastor Training Video will give you a few ideas and hopefully get you thinking creatively about your own context. Check out the Residency Program if you are a pastor or graduate-level counseling student interested in using the Church Therapy model!