Posted on

NEW Pastor Training Video: Making Referrals Work

Unless you are using the Church Therapy model and have an on-staff counselor at your church, most likely the pastor will refer parishioners to a nearby counselor or agency. Unfortunately, these referrals often fall apart because the counselor’s caseload is full, or they do not take a particular health insurance or they do not see clients of certain ages, etc. In this Pastor Training Video, I help pastors (or lay leaders or Christian friends) learn how to make sure that the referrals they make actually turn into people getting the help they need. Thanks for watching!

Posted on

Defending the Marginalized

We live in an increasingly volatile world, and the current political climate has stirred debate in multiple sectors. As Christians, we have an ethical responsibility to engage with social issues as they fundamentally relate to how we engage with the world. The age old question, “But who is my neighbor?” is poignant right now as we wrestle with whose interests to protect most.

If you follow me on Twitter, you will see that I have taken a stand to defend the cause of the refugee after the entire refugee program was suspended for 120 days. I specifically chose to speak loudly on this issue because of my calling to advocate for and defend the marginalized. The global refugee crisis is a mental health crisis, as trauma significantly impacts those fleeing from war-torn countries.

refugee_sign

When we rise up to defend the marginalized, it is helpful not to lose ourselves in the process and become antagonistic or even hateful in our approach. Here are some of my personal guidelines for engaging in advocacy:

Humanize Rather Than Hype

When a hot-button issue rises in the media, it is easy to get pulled into the hype. Too often we get sloppy and we forget to do our homework (remember primary sources, not secondary sources??). We have to make sure we have our facts in order. But even more than that, we need a human connection. Have you ever met a refugee? Have you developed a relationship with a homeless person? Are you serving the poor in your community? Are there any poor people in your community? What are their names? Have you listened to their stories?

When we surround ourselves with others who look and sound just like us, we can become comfortable and complacent. There have been refugees struggling around the world for a lot longer than the past week. Were we up in arms about their plight then? Every day marginalized people suffer, and the only way to humanize the issues that face us is to know the people for whom we advocate. In my city, refugees have faces and names. Far beyond an issue, this week has reminded me of the couple from Sudan that I knew for a while until they had to move (when their meager government support ran out and they could no longer afford their apartment). That couple knew English, were Christians, and did all they could to find work. Hardly a picture of a “drain” on the system that some like to proclaim. But they were traumatized, deeply in conflict with each other after all they had been through and they could not find a way to make ends meet. And when I tweet about refugees, it is for them and so many like them, regardless of country of origin or religious affiliation.

Be Meek But Not Weak

Humility is hard to come by in our culture, since it is a trait devalued by Americans. Being meek means that you maintain a constant awareness that you are no better than anyone else. But that does not mean we are weak when it comes to advocating for others. In fact, when we set aside our own personal interests in order to take up the cause of another, it is one of the most meek and loving things we could do.

The dictionary on BibleGateway.com defines meekness as, “An attitude of humble, submissive and expectant trust in God, and a loving, patient and gentle attitude towards others.” When we defend the marginalized, we must demonstrate humility, submit ourselves first and foremost to God, have expectant trust in God and be loving, patient and gentle to those who disagree with us. If we merely like to hear ourselves talk, then by all means let’s gather a group of people who already agree with us and have at it with the issues. But if we want to effect change, then in humility, love and boldness we must engage with those who have strong opinions on the other side. Even if we do not convince them, we will create change simply through the counter-cultural way we choose to behave.

Think Globally, Love Locally

In the age of the Internet, everyone on the planet is our neighbor. Christians must consider the global impact of our actions and beliefs individually and as a nation. We confuse the world when we say we are (or want to be) a Christian nation and then engage in preemptive war or close our doors in senseless fear. So we must think about our global impact. We must also remember that the Church is a global Church, and we stand as one body and one bride of Christ. We would do well to listen to Christians around the world rather than to American public policy.

As we think globally, possibly the most influential thing we can do is to love locally. Look around your neighborhood. Who needs the love of Christ today? Who needs to be served without strings attached? Who are the marginalized in your community? Find them. Get to know them. Love them. Relationships dispel fear because we become familiar with someone else’s context. We learn to trust the unfamiliar. We discover the beauty that others bring to the world. Instead of random acts of kindness, build intentional and purposeful relationships that last far longer than a passing smile. Random acts of kindness make you feel good, but they do little to actually help those who are truly in need. Who can you love unconditionally and humbly today? Whose story can you hear and whose life is so different from your own that it takes intentional work to connect? May the Church rise up in love to ignite a supernatural change around the world.

Posted on

2017 Freedom Workshops

Join me in Lynn, Massachusetts for 4 dynamic workshops this year! Coming in March, “Understanding Mental Illness” — a must for all Christians as we need to be ready to respond well to those who suffer in our midst. Our June workshop will feature great content on communication and conflict resolution and in September we will explore how to deal with regret and shame. We’ll wrap it up in November with some helpful tools for managing life, incorporating information from my book “Getting Your Life Under Control.”

Please share this post to spread the word!

Tickets and special online savings can be found at mkt.com/freedomworkshops or you can Like us on Facebook!freedom-workshops-2017-frontfreedom-workshops-2017-back

Posted on

Love

Our final week of Advent anticipation focuses on the greatest of all eternal things: Love. Perhaps the most backwards concept in our society, love in God’s kingdom is something that is described as a definition of God Himself. God is love. Not God has love, not God is loving, but God is the very definition of love.

advent-love-candle-3

On earth we think of love as something we give. In God’s kingdom love is something He is. We think of love as something that makes us feel good. In God’s kingdom the spirit opposes the flesh and conquers sin through sacrifice. We think of love as something you fall into. In God’s kingdom love is something you enter into intentionally.

This Christmas, what does it mean for us to love? First, let us embody love as God does. Let’s not just do “random acts of kindness” or loving things, but rather may love pour out of us continually as a definition of our character. Second, let us love in ways that do not bring comfort to our own flesh. When it’s hard, we love. When it requires sacrifice, we love. When it means we put ourselves last, we love. When what we want conflicts with what would protect another person, we set our selfishness and pride aside. Humility is required for this kind of love. And this must be cultivated and matured. One cannot “fall into” this love any more than one can get in shape accidentally. Real love requires continual training and refining of our inner lives through the work of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus said to love your enemies. Jesus gave up a position of power to be made weak. Jesus poured into a man he knew would eventually betray him. Jesus restrained his tongue when false accusations were thrown at him. Jesus resisted temptation and got to the very end of Himself when in His hour of deepest need His Father no longer seemed present. Forsaken, despised, rejected. Only in God’s kingdom is love possible in such circumstances. In the coming year may each one of us be stretched to love farther than we have ever loved before.

Posted on

Joy

Have you ever seen the movie Inside Out? If not, you absolutely must watch it immediately after reading this post. The movie is brilliant in capturing what is going on inside the human mind. A main character is Joy, who acts as a leader among all of the emotion characters. There has never been a more accurate depiction of my inner life than in the character of Joy. She is fiercely determined to maintain her optimism and the harmony of the group. She has endless positive energy (though this is tested in the challenges she faces) and others look to her when decisions need to be made.

large_advent-the-dawning-of-indestructible-joy

As much as I love that movie, I have to pause to ask myself, “Is that what the Bible means by joy?” Certainly we know that joy is not the same as happiness… In James 1 we are told to “consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds…” Few of us would be happy under challenging circumstances, but we can have joy. Just as we discussed last week regarding peace, joy is a product of the Spirit and not something we can achieve ourselves. Valuing what God values in his kingdom will determine whether or not you can connect with joy — things like suffering and hardship are seen as valuable gifts in the life of a Christ follower.

So what is this joy to which we can connect this Advent? If it is perhaps not quite energetic optimism and it isn’t happiness, what is it? I would define joy as an attachment to long-term hope. Regardless of my circumstance right now, God is still good. He will overcome in the end. He will guide me and mold me into his likeness if I allow him to. I do not think joy has to be expressed with energy or extroversion, though this is often the assumption. Perhaps true joy is something that cannot be expressed and is most keenly experienced in intimacy with the Spirit. Like a quick glance between friends, when a look is reassuring and confident all by itself, joy is the experience of the Spirit giving us a wink. “Just watch what I’m going to do with this one…” his presence assures us. Confidence in God’s strategy that works all things out for our good… Christmas reminds us that God has always had great and surprising plans up his sleeve and he always will. In this Advent season, no matter what you are going through, I encourage you to watch and wait with joyful anticipation as his plan unfolds.

Posted on

Counsel Vs. Therapy

I have frequently heard pastors and lay leaders in the Church assert that it is the role of everyone in the Church to provide counsel. Christians cite verses that describe “godly counsel,” such as Psalm 37:30 (“The godly offer good counsel; they teach right from wrong”) and Proverbs 27:9 (“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense”) in supporting their notion.

When I recently saw a tweet that again made the statement that all in the Church should provide counsel, it reminded me of what many in the biblical counseling movement have said about pastors and their competence to counsel. These verses suggest that godliness is the fundamental requirement for becoming someone who can provide wise and helpful counsel.

Note that I have not yet used the term “counseling” and I have certainly not used the term “therapy.” Why? Because these terms refer to specific treatments provided in mental health situations. And it is simply not the same thing as godly counsel.

Allow me to define some terms. “Counsel” is often referred to in the Bible as “advice.” Certainly there is a sense that wisdom and godliness provide a Christian with some discernment in a variety of situations. If a friend confides in you about a struggle she is going through, you might provide some wise counsel to her that would support God’s words in the Bible. You may have experienced a similar situation in life and you could offer advice from your own experience.

“Counseling” or “therapy” as I am using the terms here is specifically NOT centered around advice-giving. While discernment is necessary, it is a different level of emotional discernment used by trained and licensed clinicians in mental health service delivery. Therapy offers a place for a person to work through an emotional problem for herself, with a trained guide who possesses skills such as Motivational Interviewing and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. An understanding of family systems and biological/psychological factors that influence our emotions is also a necessary skill. These factors along with spiritual wisdom and understanding are essential for providing mental health care and seeing the person in a holistic manner.

For comparison’s sake, let’s consider a scenario in which a person has a sore back. A close friend could perhaps give a basic back massage to ease the pain for the moment. But a physical therapist would have training and skills necessary to repair an injury. When anxiety, depression, trauma, Bipolar Disorder or other brain dysfunctions are present, godly advice simply will not provide the right kind of response. And in fact, it may do more harm than good as it often reinforces wrong ideas that make a person feel that their symptoms are a result of a lack of faith. I would argue that this type of response is actually not even godly advice at all as it creates wrong assumptions about God and illness. It is not based in spiritual or biological truth.

Can all pastors and godly followers of Jesus provide counsel? Assuming they possess wisdom demonstrated in the way they live their lives, yes. Can all pastors and godly followers of Jesus provide therapy for mental health problems? No. It is time for pastors and Christians to stop using these terms interchangeably so that people who need medical and psychological care can receive it freely with no stigma attached. And it is time for trained, licensed Christian counselors and therapists to actively provide these services where people seek them: in the Church.

Posted on

How to Build on Positive Choices and Avoid Downward Spirals

Have you ever been tired of falling into negative patterns over and over? Don’t you wish you could take some of that life movement and turn it into a positive, upward spiral? In my book, Momentum: How to Build on Positive Choices and Avoid Downward Spirals, I offer 9 principles to help you do just that.

Momentum book cover

Momentum is a word that expresses a continuity and increase of motion — a ball gains speed as it is rolled down a ramp. It is a verifiable law of physics that once a ball has begun rolling down that slope, it will roll faster and faster until it bumps into something that stops it. Human behavior works in much the same way, for when a person begins to take action (in a positive or negative direction), that action leads to more actions that turn into a larger life path. We’ve all heard of downward spirals — one bad choice leads to another and another until we find ourselves far from where we had hoped to be. The good news is that we can also spiral upwards, gaining momentum as one good choice creates a sense of success that helps us feel as though we can make another good choice. Knowing that I needed to write my first book by a tight deadline in order to begin my second and so on kept that positive movement going, and you can learn to set and achieve goals in much the same way.

Perhaps you are already tired out just thinking about building momentum. Sounds like a lot of work, right? In the beginning stages of moving into action it will feel hard. You may wonder why you are bothering to try. When you do not see immediate results you will very likely want to give up. You may write me nasty emails telling me that momentum is for the birds. These feelings are normal, and when you are prepared to face them they can be overcome.

Unhealthy living in the short-term is always easier than building positive choices for the long-term. If it were easy to live a healthy life, more of us would find ourselves naturally doing it. But you don’t get into shape by accident, suddenly waking up to find that muscular six-pack you had wanted when you have never lifted a weight in your life. You don’t get to the gorgeous summit of a mountain if you haven’t hiked up to the top. And you won’t experience the sense of fulfillment and pleasure that positive choices bring until you’ve put in some pretty hard work.

From a biblical perspective, getting and keeping that ball rolling is known as perseverance.  James 1:2-4 describes the possibility of growth when we persevere through trials. In this passage, we see the first action step in our response to the trial we face: joy. This does not mean we have to feel happy about what we are going through. But it does mean we respond to hardship by acting on the truth that God desires to see us grow no matter what we face. Suddenly that trial can be seen as an opportunity for something greater, even if it is only an ability to join with Christ through the experience of suffering. That ongoing conversation with God (prayer) and an outlook that is focused on growth and God’s purpose (praise) are the first steps in building perseverance. When perseverance is fully developed, we will be “mature and complete, not lacking anything” (NIV).

Another biblical example of building momentum in your life is found in 2 Peter 1: 5-11. Take a moment to read this whole passage, which is too long to quote in its entirety. Here we will look specifically at the end of verse 5 as well as verses 6 and 7:

“Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone” (NLT).

Here we see clearly this idea of building on previous growth and positive choices, as the Christian begins with a simple faith and then over time grows in following Christ’s perfect example. The following nine principles will help you take positive steps towards spiritual and emotional health in your life:

  1. Retrain Your Brain
  2. Avoid the Mental Debate
  3. Focus on Routines
  4. Get to the Other Side
  5. Keep Treading
  6. Turn a Lose-Lose into a Win-Win
  7. Live in Reality
  8. Grow Deeper, Not Broader
  9. Become a Leader

Each chapter offers four strategies to implement these principles in your life. Check it out on Amazon!