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Counseling, Evangelism and Discipleship Part 1

Yesterday I held the first Freedom Workshop of 2017: “Understanding Mental Illness.” We had such a great time, thanks to all who came out! Listening in on some of the group discussions got me so pumped, as people talked through the physical, psychological and spiritual issues related to mental health. One point I heard in the discussion was related to the role of the counselor: should he or she be someone who evangelizes to the client, guiding a non-believer into faith? Or is that not the role of the counselor? What about those who are already following Christ? What is the role of counseling in the discipleship process?

We know that pastors are called to evangelize and disciple. This is an incredibly important job! In the Church Therapy model, pastors are able to freely serve in these ways and church therapists are able to function in a different role. Without this model, when pastors are also trying to provide counseling, the roles become much more complex and the lines are blurry. When someone needs mental health care and they seek out a counselor, they may or may not also be exploring faith questions.

In Part 1, we will explore three reasons why a counselor/therapist should not also take on the role of evangelist. Next week, we’ll do Part 2, exploring ways that counselors can play an important role in the discipleship process for those who are already following Christ. So let’s take a look at why counselors should not be in the role of evangelist with clients who are not Christians:

Vulnerability and Power

In a counseling situation, there is an automatic power dynamic present. This is not created by the particular counselor or client, it is inherent in the relationship which is one-sided. The counselor is viewed as the “expert” (whether or not he/she is actually skilled) and the client is the one in need. In normal healthy relationships, there is a mutual give and take, where both parties give sometimes and take at other times. In a healthy therapeutic relationship, the boundaries and ethical guidelines keep the one-sidedness healthy even though that would be imbalanced in a “real life” scenario. The fact that the counselor and client are not friends, but rather have a professional relationship that has specific limits, means that the counselor has a tremendous amount of power. The client is coming in vulnerable, sharing deep emotions and experiences (while the counselor does not share deeply at all). The counselor seemingly provides the guidance and help, doing all of the emotional supporting of the client.

Because of this power dynamic, the counselor simply cannot also play the role of an evangelist because the client is too vulnerable. To take advantage of this situation would really not allow the person to freely consider his or her beliefs. The counselor’s desire for the client to convert, and the power that the counselor has over the client to guide his/her choices, sets up a forced system in which the client may say “yes” without being truly free to say “no.” The client may be unaware of this lack of freedom, but over time it will reveal itself and could actually be detrimental to the client’s spiritual journey in the long run.

Bait and Switch

Another reason that a counselor cannot also play the role of evangelist is that it could be a “bait and switch” kind of scenario. “Come to our office, we offer free counseling!” may be the tagline. People who are in need, and possibly lacking in finances or health insurance, may be drawn into this counseling ministry believing that it will help them work through their emotional issues. If the counseling ministry sign read, “Come to our office, we want to convert you!” some might not enter. But that is typically not the advertisement, thus creating a bait and switch. Your church is advertising mental health services when it is really offering Bible study and personal evangelism. Now, even if we truly believe deep down in our hearts that the only way for people to get well is to follow Jesus (true, by the way, for one’s spiritual life, but not true for the symptoms of a mental illness which often persist even for the Christian), it is unethical to lure people into your office with the wrong set of assumptions about what will take place there.

Respect for the Journey

The spiritual journey does not always occur in a linear fashion. (Step 1: Have problems in your life and realize you can’t do it on your own. Step 2: Turn your life over to Jesus. Step 3: Get better from all your problems.) An evangelist has one goal: share the Gospel to win souls for Christ. A counselor’s goal is to meet a person where he/she is at, working collaboratively on the goals the client sets for him/herself. We cannot have an agenda going in. Instead, we must respect the journey of the client. If he/she wants to explore spiritual issues, then by all means (but without an agenda), help them explore. We do not need to get antsy about this — the Holy Spirit is more than able to draw the client to Him when that person is ready. Let’s lay that burden down and trust the Lord to lead them in their journey, while we as counselors simply come alongside as a fellow explorer.

If the client does some spiritual exploring and decides that they want to know more about Jesus, the counselor should at that point connect the client with a local church. They can attend services and the pastor can help them learn to study the Bible. The counselor can continue to be involved to do the work of healing the emotional issues that created the need for mental health services. Over time, these services may not be needed if the positive support of the church creates an adequate social system that meets the client’s needs. In the case of chronic/persistent mental illness, the counselor will likely remain a support in addition to other positive social supports.

Stay tuned for next week’s conversation about how the counselor can play an important role in the discipleship process for those who have already given their lives to Christ.

 

 

 

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NEW Pastor Training Video: Making Referrals Work

Unless you are using the Church Therapy model and have an on-staff counselor at your church, most likely the pastor will refer parishioners to a nearby counselor or agency. Unfortunately, these referrals often fall apart because the counselor’s caseload is full, or they do not take a particular health insurance or they do not see clients of certain ages, etc. In this Pastor Training Video, I help pastors (or lay leaders or Christian friends) learn how to make sure that the referrals they make actually turn into people getting the help they need. Thanks for watching!

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Defending the Marginalized

We live in an increasingly volatile world, and the current political climate has stirred debate in multiple sectors. As Christians, we have an ethical responsibility to engage with social issues as they fundamentally relate to how we engage with the world. The age old question, “But who is my neighbor?” is poignant right now as we wrestle with whose interests to protect most.

If you follow me on Twitter, you will see that I have taken a stand to defend the cause of the refugee after the entire refugee program was suspended for 120 days. I specifically chose to speak loudly on this issue because of my calling to advocate for and defend the marginalized. The global refugee crisis is a mental health crisis, as trauma significantly impacts those fleeing from war-torn countries.

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When we rise up to defend the marginalized, it is helpful not to lose ourselves in the process and become antagonistic or even hateful in our approach. Here are some of my personal guidelines for engaging in advocacy:

Humanize Rather Than Hype

When a hot-button issue rises in the media, it is easy to get pulled into the hype. Too often we get sloppy and we forget to do our homework (remember primary sources, not secondary sources??). We have to make sure we have our facts in order. But even more than that, we need a human connection. Have you ever met a refugee? Have you developed a relationship with a homeless person? Are you serving the poor in your community? Are there any poor people in your community? What are their names? Have you listened to their stories?

When we surround ourselves with others who look and sound just like us, we can become comfortable and complacent. There have been refugees struggling around the world for a lot longer than the past week. Were we up in arms about their plight then? Every day marginalized people suffer, and the only way to humanize the issues that face us is to know the people for whom we advocate. In my city, refugees have faces and names. Far beyond an issue, this week has reminded me of the couple from Sudan that I knew for a while until they had to move (when their meager government support ran out and they could no longer afford their apartment). That couple knew English, were Christians, and did all they could to find work. Hardly a picture of a “drain” on the system that some like to proclaim. But they were traumatized, deeply in conflict with each other after all they had been through and they could not find a way to make ends meet. And when I tweet about refugees, it is for them and so many like them, regardless of country of origin or religious affiliation.

Be Meek But Not Weak

Humility is hard to come by in our culture, since it is a trait devalued by Americans. Being meek means that you maintain a constant awareness that you are no better than anyone else. But that does not mean we are weak when it comes to advocating for others. In fact, when we set aside our own personal interests in order to take up the cause of another, it is one of the most meek and loving things we could do.

The dictionary on BibleGateway.com defines meekness as, “An attitude of humble, submissive and expectant trust in God, and a loving, patient and gentle attitude towards others.” When we defend the marginalized, we must demonstrate humility, submit ourselves first and foremost to God, have expectant trust in God and be loving, patient and gentle to those who disagree with us. If we merely like to hear ourselves talk, then by all means let’s gather a group of people who already agree with us and have at it with the issues. But if we want to effect change, then in humility, love and boldness we must engage with those who have strong opinions on the other side. Even if we do not convince them, we will create change simply through the counter-cultural way we choose to behave.

Think Globally, Love Locally

In the age of the Internet, everyone on the planet is our neighbor. Christians must consider the global impact of our actions and beliefs individually and as a nation. We confuse the world when we say we are (or want to be) a Christian nation and then engage in preemptive war or close our doors in senseless fear. So we must think about our global impact. We must also remember that the Church is a global Church, and we stand as one body and one bride of Christ. We would do well to listen to Christians around the world rather than to American public policy.

As we think globally, possibly the most influential thing we can do is to love locally. Look around your neighborhood. Who needs the love of Christ today? Who needs to be served without strings attached? Who are the marginalized in your community? Find them. Get to know them. Love them. Relationships dispel fear because we become familiar with someone else’s context. We learn to trust the unfamiliar. We discover the beauty that others bring to the world. Instead of random acts of kindness, build intentional and purposeful relationships that last far longer than a passing smile. Random acts of kindness make you feel good, but they do little to actually help those who are truly in need. Who can you love unconditionally and humbly today? Whose story can you hear and whose life is so different from your own that it takes intentional work to connect? May the Church rise up in love to ignite a supernatural change around the world.

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Pastor Training Video: Pastors and Counselors on a Team

In the Church Therapy model, pastors and counselors work closely together on a team. While there are many forms of Christian counseling, this model emphasizes that multiple people in differing roles can work towards common goals, providing a strong healing affect.

In the Church as a whole, pastors and counselors have sometimes been at odds, with pastors feeling that counselors may lead parishioners astray and counselors feeling that pastors may be too heavy-handed or insensitive.

In this Pastor Training Video, I explain how our different roles serve important purposes when we work together.

Enjoy and thanks for watching!

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Love

Our final week of Advent anticipation focuses on the greatest of all eternal things: Love. Perhaps the most backwards concept in our society, love in God’s kingdom is something that is described as a definition of God Himself. God is love. Not God has love, not God is loving, but God is the very definition of love.

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On earth we think of love as something we give. In God’s kingdom love is something He is. We think of love as something that makes us feel good. In God’s kingdom the spirit opposes the flesh and conquers sin through sacrifice. We think of love as something you fall into. In God’s kingdom love is something you enter into intentionally.

This Christmas, what does it mean for us to love? First, let us embody love as God does. Let’s not just do “random acts of kindness” or loving things, but rather may love pour out of us continually as a definition of our character. Second, let us love in ways that do not bring comfort to our own flesh. When it’s hard, we love. When it requires sacrifice, we love. When it means we put ourselves last, we love. When what we want conflicts with what would protect another person, we set our selfishness and pride aside. Humility is required for this kind of love. And this must be cultivated and matured. One cannot “fall into” this love any more than one can get in shape accidentally. Real love requires continual training and refining of our inner lives through the work of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus said to love your enemies. Jesus gave up a position of power to be made weak. Jesus poured into a man he knew would eventually betray him. Jesus restrained his tongue when false accusations were thrown at him. Jesus resisted temptation and got to the very end of Himself when in His hour of deepest need His Father no longer seemed present. Forsaken, despised, rejected. Only in God’s kingdom is love possible in such circumstances. In the coming year may each one of us be stretched to love farther than we have ever loved before.

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Joy

Have you ever seen the movie Inside Out? If not, you absolutely must watch it immediately after reading this post. The movie is brilliant in capturing what is going on inside the human mind. A main character is Joy, who acts as a leader among all of the emotion characters. There has never been a more accurate depiction of my inner life than in the character of Joy. She is fiercely determined to maintain her optimism and the harmony of the group. She has endless positive energy (though this is tested in the challenges she faces) and others look to her when decisions need to be made.

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As much as I love that movie, I have to pause to ask myself, “Is that what the Bible means by joy?” Certainly we know that joy is not the same as happiness… In James 1 we are told to “consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds…” Few of us would be happy under challenging circumstances, but we can have joy. Just as we discussed last week regarding peace, joy is a product of the Spirit and not something we can achieve ourselves. Valuing what God values in his kingdom will determine whether or not you can connect with joy — things like suffering and hardship are seen as valuable gifts in the life of a Christ follower.

So what is this joy to which we can connect this Advent? If it is perhaps not quite energetic optimism and it isn’t happiness, what is it? I would define joy as an attachment to long-term hope. Regardless of my circumstance right now, God is still good. He will overcome in the end. He will guide me and mold me into his likeness if I allow him to. I do not think joy has to be expressed with energy or extroversion, though this is often the assumption. Perhaps true joy is something that cannot be expressed and is most keenly experienced in intimacy with the Spirit. Like a quick glance between friends, when a look is reassuring and confident all by itself, joy is the experience of the Spirit giving us a wink. “Just watch what I’m going to do with this one…” his presence assures us. Confidence in God’s strategy that works all things out for our good… Christmas reminds us that God has always had great and surprising plans up his sleeve and he always will. In this Advent season, no matter what you are going through, I encourage you to watch and wait with joyful anticipation as his plan unfolds.

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Peace

As we continue to reflect this Advent season, the concept of “peace” is one that has tremendous significance in the conversation about mental illness. Anxiety and peace are often seen in opposition. Those who experience symptoms of Bipolar Disorder, Major Depression or Schizophrenia may also seem to lack peace. So is peace a feeling or perhaps something much more?

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Peace is listed in the Bible as evidence of the Holy Spirit (called the “fruit of the Spirit” in Galatians 5). Therefore we can conclude that peace is not a feeling, as feelings are temporary and affected by a lot of environmental and biological factors. Peace is not something that stems from deep inside ourselves nor is it an earthly phenomenon. True peace can only be manifest when the Holy Spirit is at work in a person’s life.

Philippians 4:7 talks about the “peace that passes understanding,” or as I have often suggested to my clients, “peace that doesn’t make any sense.” This supernatural peace extends far beyond a flimsy feeling. Rather it is a direct outpouring of God in the midst of circumstances or disorders that come with worry, fear or anxiety.

Think of peace like a room. You can enter into it when you make a decision to seek it. It is outside yourself and is much more of a place than a feeling. God offers us ways to partake of his peace through holding on to the truth of his Word, or encountering his Spirit in prayer. This place we enter is not of ourselves, and thus it can be accessed by anyone. It does not depend on our ability to achieve it. Peace is simply a gift from God that comes when we begin to grasp the idea that he is so much bigger than us and he loves us greatly.

This Advent season, take a moment to reflect on peace. Is it a room you can enter today? Consider it an alternative to the Hectic Room or the Conflict Room. No matter your struggle, symptom or circumstance, pause to enter the place of peace.

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Hope

As we begin Advent, I consider the themes of Hope, Peace, Joy and Love. Each week of Advent I will post a brief devotional thought connecting the struggles of emotional/mental health with one of these themes.

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Psalm 119:147 (NLT) – “I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.”

Have you ever experienced a season in which your life sounds like this verse? You wake while it is still dark, you are in desperate need of help before the day even begins, and the only thing you have left is some flickering hope that maybe God will come through on what He has said He will do. For some, these struggles last for more than just a season, and it is in this wrestling that we truly understand hope.

Hope is not a feeling. When we mistakenly treat it like a feeling, we rely on the wrong things to make us feel better. Hope is an attachment to something outside yourself that is bigger than you. Hope is a belief that something might get better someday. Hope is the idea that today’s struggle is not the end of your story.

This week as we begin Advent, take a moment to reflect on what brings you hope. Is there anything you cling to in the midst of pain and struggle that keeps you in the fight? We know that one symptom of depression is hopelessness — when the depth of darkness is so severe that you have no strength left to cling to anything. If that is your experience, please reach out to a professional counselor for help. These symptoms are treatable and can get better with guidance, self-care and sometimes medication. New Life Ministries (1-800-NEW-LIFE) keeps a national list of Christian counselors and may be a helpful starting point. At times I tell my clients that when they are unable to carry hope for themselves, I will carry it awhile for them. May we all as Christian brothers and sisters extend this grace to each other daily.

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Counsel Vs. Therapy

I have frequently heard pastors and lay leaders in the Church assert that it is the role of everyone in the Church to provide counsel. Christians cite verses that describe “godly counsel,” such as Psalm 37:30 (“The godly offer good counsel; they teach right from wrong”) and Proverbs 27:9 (“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense”) in supporting their notion.

When I recently saw a tweet that again made the statement that all in the Church should provide counsel, it reminded me of what many in the biblical counseling movement have said about pastors and their competence to counsel. These verses suggest that godliness is the fundamental requirement for becoming someone who can provide wise and helpful counsel.

Note that I have not yet used the term “counseling” and I have certainly not used the term “therapy.” Why? Because these terms refer to specific treatments provided in mental health situations. And it is simply not the same thing as godly counsel.

Allow me to define some terms. “Counsel” is often referred to in the Bible as “advice.” Certainly there is a sense that wisdom and godliness provide a Christian with some discernment in a variety of situations. If a friend confides in you about a struggle she is going through, you might provide some wise counsel to her that would support God’s words in the Bible. You may have experienced a similar situation in life and you could offer advice from your own experience.

“Counseling” or “therapy” as I am using the terms here is specifically NOT centered around advice-giving. While discernment is necessary, it is a different level of emotional discernment used by trained and licensed clinicians in mental health service delivery. Therapy offers a place for a person to work through an emotional problem for herself, with a trained guide who possesses skills such as Motivational Interviewing and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. An understanding of family systems and biological/psychological factors that influence our emotions is also a necessary skill. These factors along with spiritual wisdom and understanding are essential for providing mental health care and seeing the person in a holistic manner.

For comparison’s sake, let’s consider a scenario in which a person has a sore back. A close friend could perhaps give a basic back massage to ease the pain for the moment. But a physical therapist would have training and skills necessary to repair an injury. When anxiety, depression, trauma, Bipolar Disorder or other brain dysfunctions are present, godly advice simply will not provide the right kind of response. And in fact, it may do more harm than good as it often reinforces wrong ideas that make a person feel that their symptoms are a result of a lack of faith. I would argue that this type of response is actually not even godly advice at all as it creates wrong assumptions about God and illness. It is not based in spiritual or biological truth.

Can all pastors and godly followers of Jesus provide counsel? Assuming they possess wisdom demonstrated in the way they live their lives, yes. Can all pastors and godly followers of Jesus provide therapy for mental health problems? No. It is time for pastors and Christians to stop using these terms interchangeably so that people who need medical and psychological care can receive it freely with no stigma attached. And it is time for trained, licensed Christian counselors and therapists to actively provide these services where people seek them: in the Church.