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Becoming the You God Sees

I am excited to announce the launch of my brand new ebook, Becoming the You God Sees. This easy-to-read Christian mental health resource introduces you to a step-by-step guide for how to get emotionally and spiritually unstuck. I reveal the 3 secrets to getting unstuck so that you can unleash your full potential and be every single thing God made you to be.

I want to get this into as many hands as possible, so this week (Oct 10-14) it is FREE on Amazon. Be sure to bookmark the page and set a reminder on your phone so that you do not miss this deal. Even better: tell all your friends about it through Facebook or Twitter by joining my Thunderclap campaign. The Thunderclap will automatically post for you on Thursday, Oct 12 at 9pm EST. Let’s get this resource into the hands of as many people as possible. Will you join me?

In my work as a counselor over the past 12 years, I have worked with so many who do not love themselves. They hate the version of themselves that they have become. My claim has always been that if you do not love yourself you do not know the you that God created. What we hate are the effects of abuse, sin, disorder, or dysfunction. Life in this broken world messes us up. But we can get free. And we can live free lives. This ebook (which includes links to my weekly live coaching call and online course) offers a path to freedom. I hope that you will take this journey with me, and pass it on to someone you know who wants to discover their true identity.

 

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Resource Spotlight: National Alliance on Mental Illness

It’s Mental Illness Awareness Week, sponsored by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). This organization offers a wealth of information that can be of use to pastors and churches, in addition to offering resources for those who are facing symptoms of mental illness. On October 5, they are offering a free mental health screening at HelpYourselfHelpOthers.org.

Pastors and ministry leaders can check out NAMI’s website for links to amazing resources and ideas for participating in the work of advocacy. You could take the Stigma Free pledge as a church body, encourage your parishioners to share their stories, distribute fact sheets about mental illness on a Sunday morning, or offer use of the church facilities to a NAMI chapter meeting.

If you are looking specifically for Christian resources about mental illness to use with your congregation, you’will love On Edge: Mental Illness in the Christian Context along with its companion Leader’s Guide. You can lead an 8-week Sunday school class or small group about mental illness simply by following the detailed instructions in the curriculum.

Mental health advocacy does not have to be hard. It starts with one person. One voice is all it takes to say, “I’m stigma free.” Will you lead the way in your church? Pastors, will you lead the way in your communities? Jesus devoted a lot of his time to hanging around with marginalized people. Those who have mental illness face not only their symptoms, but also judgment and shaming. Let’s not let that happen in our churches and communities. Let’s love and advocate for those who need support.

 

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When Church Isn’t Safe

Larry Crabb once wrote that the church should be “the safest place on earth.” He talks about a kind of community grounded in worship, filled with humility, and engaging in open dialogue. Certainly in Acts 2 we see the early church functioning in these ways and sharing everything they had. Miracles were ordinarily extraordinary.

So why don’t our churches always feel safe?

There are a lot of reasons why our churches often feel unsafe. It may seem at first that these groups of believers are only unsafe to outsiders or to those who are struggling. But if we look deeper, we see that these communities are unsafe for everyone. Pressure to look, say, and be a certain way keeps everyone from opening up. It is unsafe to outsiders because it is unsafe for insiders to be anything but insiders. This is hardly a reflection of the kingdom of God.

What would it take for our churches to be safe?

Discomfort. It may sound strange to claim that in order for churches to be safe they have to feel uncomfortable. But doesn’t that make it less safe? Ironically, discomfort as a form of suffering helps us grow. When we move our lives and relationships into the inner city or the third-world slum, we position ourselves to experience discomfort. When you become family with the poor and marginalized, it is hard to ignore their realities. In last week’s post I focused on humility as the key to mental health. It is also the key to the kind of church that Jesus prayed for in John 17.

What can I do?

Some people have been hurt by the church. Many with mental illness have been judged, shamed for seeking treatment, or even shunned. Some have walked away from the church, wounded and disillusioned. Zach Hoag wrote about the “nones” and the “dones” in his new book, The Light Is Winning. He offers hope and inspiration for the church to return to the way of Jesus. He paints a picture of a church that is safe for everyone who may enter. Read it. Live it. Reconnect with hope. Love your neighbor. Listen to those who have stories to tell. Instead of insisting that the church become safe for you, make it safe for someone else. Don’t give up, lean in.

 

 

 

 

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The Key to Your Mental Health

As a counselor, I work with a lot of people who feel emotionally stuck. They want to know how to move forward. They want to know how to live in recovery and be well. Even when someone is facing a chronic condition, health and life are possible with treatment and wellness strategies. It’s an uphill climb for many, but I have watched so many inspiring people press through some very dark days in order to grow. And in walking alongside many, there is one common thread when people grow emotionally and spiritually: humility.

Humility comes when we fully accept all that we do not know. We enter humility when we accept the things we cannot change and become empowered to change what we can. Jesus himself offers the perfect model of humility, captured beautifully in Philippians 2. He gave up everything — status, power, comfort — to live with us. He joined our suffering. And when, in humility, we join in his suffering by humbling ourselves, we grow.

Pride tells us we have everything figured out. Pride tells us that we know better than others. Pride says we have arrived. Which is the opposite of a posture towards growth. Pride keeps us stuck because we believe we are all set. Or that we can’t get better. Or that there is nothing we can do to move forward.

Humility is what brings someone to an AA meeting for the first time. Humility is what leads us to dial the phone number of a counselor or psychiatrist. Humility is the risk we take when we share honestly about our struggles. Humility fully embraces how much help we each actually need.

Part of mental health is emotional and spiritual growth. Therefore, humility is central to your mental health. It is vital to your spiritual well-being. Some have mental illness, but we all need to attend to our mental health. The practice of humility will carry you to deeper emotional and spiritual places as you sit with yourself, God, and others and live with nothing to prove to anyone.

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Why Stigma is the Opposite of the Gospel

The word stigma is defined as “a mark of disgrace.” People who experience mental illnesses are often stigmatized. They are treated as inferior, and generally misunderstood by a society that prizes pulling-up-by-bootstraps kind of living. Those who appear weak are left out and have a harder time navigating the structures and systems of a society based on high productivity.

The church is a body of people who believe in something different. We believe in a loving and merciful God who has come to rescue us. We believe that we are all weak sinners who need a Savior. And yet in this very group of people there exists a stigma when someone is struggling with depression, anxiety or other clinical mental health disorders. How does this fit with the Gospel? How can there be second-class Christians?

Short answer: there are no second-class Christians. But there are some who judge others, and it hurts the cause of Christ. Colossians 3:12-14 says,

“Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.” 

What if we acted with tender hearts when someone admitted they were struggling with suicidal thoughts? What if we showed mercy instead of judging what they “should” do? What if instead of answers, we sat with humility and were okay with answers like, “I don’t know”? What if we were patient enough to walk alongside someone with chronic depressive episodes? What if we made allowances for struggle and pain? What love-clothes could we wear that would bind us all together no matter what we were going through?

If we as the church did these things, I’ll tell you exactly what would happen: people would come in droves to find out who this Jesus-person is. And to be honest, the churches I know of that are living this out are experiencing significant growth. People want to be loved. They want to be accepted. They are already stigmatized and marginalized by the world. They want protection, not judgment. Stigma is the opposite of the Gospel because it judges instead of loves. It condemns instead of showing mercy. God has made allowances for whatever you are going through, can you extend that to a neighbor who has a struggle different from your own? May love begin to define us once again as we seek to follow Christ.

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Happy Summer!

Just a friendly reminder to practice self-care and take some time off this summer. I’m taking a few weeks away from ChurchTherapy.com but more great content will be back soon!

In the meantime you can still catch my daily devotionals at FreedomForToday.com.

Blessings!

Kristen

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Crisis Intervention

Today I was reminded again of the role a counselor can play on a church staff. If you have ever worked at an urban church, or any larger church as well, you probably know that Sundays are an all-hands-on-deck kind of day. Anything can happen at any time. You just never know. And in Lynn, Massachusetts, you really just never know what a Sunday will bring.

We had a missionary sharing a testimony about a young girl with a troubled past. As she shared, a women in our congregation was both moved and triggered into what appeared to be a somewhat dissociative state. She began wailing loudly and shouting, “That’s my story! That’s my story!” But it was not entirely coherent and it was unclear what was going on. The usher team went to her but were unable to coax her from the room. My husband tapped me and I went to her seat. I looked at her and used body language to show her I was listening. I heard her say again, “That’s my story!” so I told her that I wanted to hear her story, but we would need to go into the lobby for her to tell it to me. She gladly came with me and we helped support her weight to walk out the door as she was so hysterically crying. We ended up outside and someone brought her a cup of water. I sat with her and listened to what she could tell me between gasping for breaths. She had been abandoned as a child and was never able to forgive her mother, but today after hearing the testimony of a young girl she said she was set free and she could finally forgive.

In the meantime, the disruption triggered a few other people with mental health issues. One man came to us outside and said, “Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?” and had difficulty responding to our reassurances that she was okay and being taken care of. He too needed reassurance and to know his concerns were heard. He told us that he had just gotten out of the psychiatric hospital, where the patients look out for each other. We moved him from the situation and told him we were glad he was there. At the same time, another man nearby started talking loudly and repeatedly about how he won at bingo last night. His perseverating continued until I could pull away from the woman (now being listened to by the missionary who had been speaking earlier), and I went to the man to hear his story of bingo victory. I congratulated him on his $25 prize and thanked him for telling me about it.

It struck me that in all of these situations, the key to de-escalation was listening and joining with the person in his/her version of reality in that moment.  Everyone just wants to be heard and believed. Everyone wants someone to be glad they are there. Everyone wants to be treated like a person. Afterwards, I debriefed with our usher team who had done a great job calmly and respectfully helping serve each person, and I shared with them some of the de-escalation strategies I had used. Church Therapy is about so much more than the four walls of my office. It is about understanding mental illness and using informed practices to handle every person with dignity and care. Church Therapy creates a church culture that does not bat an eye when someone exhibits symptoms of mental illness in a more visible way. We are simply ready to respond and provide care in any way needed. Because of this, everyone feels welcome and safe.

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Celebrate Freedom!

If you have followed me for any length of time, you’ve probably noticed I like freedom. A lot. I offer 4 Freedom Workshops each year at my church to talk about emotional health in the Christian life. I write daily devotionals at FreedomForToday.com. My theme verse is Galatians 5:1, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”

When we live the Christian life trapped by the weight of our burdens, we miss out on the freedom that Christ came to bring us. All of us have emotional struggles, and many of us have symptoms of mental illness. These are not the end of the story. There is freedom for you, even if your symptoms do not disappear. There is hope for you, even when your prayers have not yet been answered. And in the eternal kingdom of God, those symptoms will be healed and those prayers will be answered — sometimes on earth, always in heaven.

As you celebrate freedom this July 4 (sorry, non-American friends, just work with me on this one…), remember what real freedom is. Real freedom is the fact that you can sing praises to Jesus from a jail cell (or from the confines of your room where you might be currently ill). Real freedom is the fact that grace is covering you right now. You don’t have to be perfect for God to love you deeply. Real freedom is the fact that your past doesn’t have to define who you are forever. There is hope, there is freedom, there is a way out.

If you are struggling today, we accept and love you exactly as you are. The ChurchTherapy.com community is a group of people who understand and we do not stigmatize. We believe that the Church should be a safe place for you. Freedom is found in the absence of judgment and pressure to change. Ironically, it is in the safety of non-judgmental relationships that change is often most possible. If you want to get closer to Jesus, you will when you are given the space to do it freely. God  himself chooses to give us the freedom to come to him or not. During this week of freedom celebrations, if you are experiencing freedom, go sit beside someone who is hurting and reassure them that you won’t leave their side until they are free too. It’s what the Gospel is all about.

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Why “Trust God More” Is The Wrong Answer

I’m all for trusting God. Really I am. I live my life in such a way that I am increasingly dependent on God. But even on my best days, I know that I cannot possibly trust God enough. I can’t understand him enough. I can’t thank him enough. I certainly can’t do anything to give back all that he has given to me. That word “enough” is automatically a comparative one — an arbitrary measure of a quantity that satisfies some type of requirement. “Enough” doesn’t even exist in relationship to God because we never can get there.

I’ve known a lot of people who have struggled with symptoms of mental illness as Christians. Many I know and work with are facing depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms and bipolar disorder just to name a few. And sadly they are often given “Christian-y” answers by well-meaning people who want to make everything better. They are told in subtle and not-so-subtle ways to “trust God more.” Just like “enough,” “more” is an arbitrary comparison to something else. If I have a dollar and you give me “more,” you could give me one penny or one million dollars. How do we know when “more” is “enough”?

If on my best days I’m doing all I can to trust God with my life, then I am spiritually growing and seeking the Lord. On my worst days, I’m still trusting to the degree that I can. If someone is struggling with physical symptoms of a brain disorder, they have a lot they are working to trust God about. And I know that there is no degree to which they can trust God “more” to have their symptoms erased. I believe in miraculous healing for cancer and anxiety and diabetes and broken legs, but I certainly would not encourage people with these disorders to muscle up some more faith like they’ve got it just laying around to spare. I’m going to walk alongside them through their daily struggles and take on their burdens as my own. I’m going to weep with those who weep. I want to lighten their load with any supernatural ability the Holy Spirit gives me, not throw a greater burden on them to make myself feel better.

And this is why “trust God more” is the wrong answer when people are hurting — it abandons them in their own pain. We might as well say, “Okay, run along now. Go fix your physical and spiritual suffering yourself. And if you can’t, I’ll shake my head and be disappointed in your poor choices.” We may not say those words, but we imply them when we tell people to trust God more. Instead of hanging the wounded out to dry, let’s draw them in closer. Instead of “trust God more,” let’s say, “I’ll carry hope for you while you cannot,” or “I’m here for you if you need anything at all. I will pray for you daily in the midst of your pain.” Reach out. Call. Bring a meal. Intercede. Write a note. Care. Against such things there is no law.

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Resource Spotlight: Brittney Moses

I’m excited to bring a new feature to ChurchTherapy.com: the Resource Spotlight! About once a month I’ll feature someone who is making a great contribution to the conversation around faith and mental health.

This week, we feature Brittney Moses, a writer and mental health advocate who’s changing young lives one individual at a time. Brittney’s been featured in The Christian Post, The Huffington Post and Project Inspired to name a few. From 2012-2016 she led an organization called Unashamed Impact, which “encouraged young leaders to rise to their calling and be proactive in their cities through leadership development and community outreach.” This year she has shifted her focus to her studies and her writing. She has studied psychology and is working in the mental health field, certified in Mental Health First Aid.

Brittney’s website (and app!) are awesome resources for people who are thinking about faith and mental health. She offers journal prompts for every month to get her readers thinking about some important personal issues. This month is all about living beyond fear, with prompts such as “Is it better to risk failure knowing you tried or not risk at all? Why?” and “Write about an experience that grew you this month.” She’s sensitive to the complexities of faith and mental illness, asking questions about anxiety but not diminishing the physical aspects of mental health problems.

Her blog is found on the “Healthy Minds” tab of her site, and she tackles topics like depression and self-harm. She has a voice that clearly connects with young people and her site draws readers in. She launched the “Faith and Mental Wellness” app in April of this year, and it connects users to her blog features as well as to a Facebook community. App push notifications offer snippets of wisdom that are helpful reminders throughout the week. She also offers a “7-Day Anxiety Detox E-series,” which features biblical tools that work within a cognitive-behavioral therapy framework. In addition, she connects people with mental health treatment resources so that her readers can more easily find Christian counselors.

We need as many voices as possible in this conversation about mental health in the church. Let’s all lift each other up and tear down stigma together! Great job, Brittney!