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Cultivating Peace

Whether or not you experience mental illness, you need to take time to care for your mental health. Each of us can practice daily routines and habits that will help us decrease stress. For those that do have symptoms of a mental illness, these practices will help with symptom management. Taking time for your mental health also helps you refocus on God and connect you with your spiritual journey.

Here are some tips for cultivating peace in your life:

Slow down

When we look at the life of Jesus, we see a very different era and culture. I do not think most of us can truly imagine life without electricity. Or cars. Or gadgets that speed up every task we have to do. Try to picture a life in which you walk everywhere, slowly. You go to bed when it gets dark and rise when the sun does. Our bodies were designed to live at this pace, and in our modern society we have pushed our bodies to the limits. Jesus lived slowly, and even though this was in a different historical and cultural context, I think there is much we can learn from the pace at which Jesus lived life.

Connect to the Spirit

Another regular habit that Jesus displayed was connection with the Father. We have that same connection available to us through the Holy Spirit. One of my favorite verses is found in 1 Corinthians 2:15-16: “Those who are spiritual can evaluate all things, but they themselves cannot be evaluated by others. For, ‘Who can know the Lord’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?’ But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ.” I find it amazing to think that we have the ability through the Spirit to know and understand the Father’s thoughts. Aligning our minds with His directly allows us to cultivate peace in our lives as we rid ourselves of foolish or distorted thinking.

Attend to your surroundings

If you are living in chaos (relationally, in your schedule, or in your physical space) it will be very difficult to find peace. Relational conflict, chaotic time management, or living in a messy space will disrupt the inner peace. Often, your outward surroundings are a reflection of what is going on inside your heart. And often inner peace can be cultivated by taking care of the things in your outer environment. Taking time to clean up, organize your schedule, or resolve a conflict with a friend are ways to cultivate peace in your life. Tying up loose ends helps your brain feel finished, and you may find your sleep and mood improve. Simple things like lighting a candle, putting on soothing music or having some fresh flowers in the room can also go a long way to creating a peaceful space.

Peace grows in our lives when we actively work to develop it. Any fruit of the Spirit must be planted, watered, and nurtured in order to bear fruit. As we expand our hearts and minds and surrender to God more and more, we open up more space for the Spirit to dwell.

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A Different Kind of Silence

There has been a lot of talk lately about the silent suffering of those in the Church who are battling mental illness. The hurting are often voiceless, their experiences kept hidden from view so as to keep the Church looking all put together. While Jesus’ own ministry gathered a pretty rough-around-the-edges crowd, the American Church today seems to strive for the opposite. Those who don’t fit the mold are cast aside and left to find Jesus by themselves.

On blogs like this one and on podcasts like CXMH, many have begun to speak out in order to raise awareness about mental health issues. These forums allow stories to be told, myths to be dispelled and dialogue to be engaged. This is much needed to decrease stigma within the Church, so that we stop blaming those who are suffering. Those who have been muted are now able to test the waters of authenticity in hopes of not being shamed back into silence once again.

Today I am calling for a different kind of silence. I am asking my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to respond with silence as those who were once voiceless begin to speak. Many rush to fix, critique or blame those who express their suffering. Some even do it using Scripture to shame and harm the very ones to whom God extends grace and hope. What if we, who do not face a daily battle with mental illness, simply responded with silence to those who do? What if we just listened? What if we were simply present and didn’t run away from the suffering? What if we just offered a supportive nod or a warm embrace? What if we wrote down for ourselves every verse in the Bible that advises a tight rein on the tongue and applied it to ourselves?

If we took a voluntary vow of silence and listened to those who now speak out to share their stories, what kind of spiritual and physical healing could take place? Might some chains be broken loose as we follow Christ’s example in accepting those around us without condemnation? How might the American Church change if we all followed the wisdom of Proverbs 17:28: “Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent”?

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Why “Christian Counselors” Need to be Licensed by the State

Sometimes “Christian counseling” gets a bad name. And for good reason. There have been many cases of churches handling issues such as sexual abuse “in house” or pastors committing acts of spiritual abuse. It is important to distinguish what Christian counseling should be in contrast to what it sometimes is. In Christian circles, there are more nuanced terms, including “biblical counseling,” “nouthetic counseling,” and “deliverance” ministries. How can we tell the difference between all these things, especially when we are in need of help?

From the beginning of my writing about Church Therapy, I have always maintained that church therapists (or any other form of Christian counselor) should be licensed at the highest level. I recently obtained my National Board Certification as a Certified Clinical Mental Health Counselor to continue to advocate for Christian counselors to adhere to the highest standards in our society and to demonstrate that Christians can and should provide the best quality care. Because those in the Christian community often do turn to their churches first for help, professionally trained and licensed Christian counselors need to be immediately accessible and available to help.

Having a therapist on a church staff can prevent improper handling of abuse situations because licensed counselors are mandated reporters. (This is legally different for counselors versus pastors in many states.) A licensed counselor is always obligated to report child abuse to authorities, whereas in many states pastors or non-professionals have blurry lines.

A professionally trained and licensed church therapist can also educate the congregation and pastoral staff around issues of mental illness, sexual abuse, and trauma, and in doing so create a culture in which these types of issues are handled with appropriate treatment. Rather than a secretive, “in-house” approach, church therapists are actively connected to the community. I am in regular contact with my clients’ psychiatrists, doctors, and case workers, and when needed local authorities. There is no suspicion of those outside the church, but rather cooperation to make sure every available resource is utilized to protect victims and to care for those in crisis.

Finally, in the Church Therapy model I advocate for use of evidence-based therapeutic practices. We need to be using treatment models that have been proven to work, integrating neuroscientific, biblical, and psychological principles to handle mental health issues in ways that succeed. There is no perfect treatment approach, but we must apply the highest levels of truth and research to inform our treatment rather than making up our own uninformed theories. What untrained, lay counselors in the church produce for treatment models is no more biblical, and certainly no more scientific, than the humanistic theories of Freud. And in fact it does far more damage because it is done in the name of Jesus.

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How Christians Should Talk About Mental Illness

Christian mental health can be a touchy subject. Specifically, there is debate about what language is appropriate for the conversation. Mental health is something we all need to work to maintain, while mental illness refers to specific disorders related to brain functioning. The degree to which faith plays a role in our mental health is also a common question. This week, many tweeted on this subject using #IFGathering2018 (from a Christian women’s conference held in Austin, Texas) due to conversation there about mental health issues. There was also a heated debate about a tweet from John Piper’s ministry (Desiring God): “We will find mental health when we stop staring in the mirror, and fix our eyes on the strength and beauty of God.”

Some have wondered why we have to make such a big deal of semantics. The Piper tweet had some truth to it despite being wrong on a lot of levels (and certainly a poor choice of words for a platform such as Twitter). God will indeed restore us all eternally, and we absolutely need to fix our eyes on Jesus just to make it in this world. But since there are still so many Christians who look at mental health as a mind-over-matter type of situation, statements like that one evoke a “too soon” kind of response.

So how should Christians talk about mental health and mental illness? Here are some do’s and don’ts that can help you as you engage in conversations, both in and outside of the church:

Do

Talk About Mental Illness 

Silence is worse than missing a little nuance every now and then. Missteps in our speech allow us to engage in dialogue, while silence causes those who are struggling to feel isolated and marginalized. Pastors, work mental illness into your sermons. As much as you mention physical illnesses, mention the reality of mental illness as disorders that impact our bodies and our lives.

Use Language That Works For Other Illnesses

Someday, we’ll stop using the phrase “mental illness” altogether. In and of itself, “mental illness” creates a false dichotomy between “mental” and “physical,” as if our brains are not included in the list of major organs that can be impacted by disorder and disease. But for now, when you talk about mental illness, make sure the same phrase could be applied to other physical illnesses.

My tweet in reply to the Piper tweet is an example: “Let’s try this with cancer instead: ‘We will find our cancer healed when we stop staring in the mirror, and fix our eyes on the strength and beauty of God.’ Eternally, yes. Practically, no.”

Allow Those With Mental Illness To Define Their Own Terms

The people who get to say the most about mental illness are the ones who have faced it. Their language matters and gets to set the tone. I have known some people with depression who talk very openly about the ways that prayer and Scripture helped them tremendously to climb out of a dark time. Others have been hurt by misapplied Bible verses that made them feel more hopeless or to blame. Meet each person where they are — they get to say what works for them and fits their experience.

Don’t

Use Names of Mental Disorders Casually Or As a Joke

“You’re so OCD right now…”

“Our perspective can be so schizophrenic…”

“We’re all ADD nowadays…”

Most of the time, people who are speaking like this have no idea what the disorders to which they refer actually involve (references to schizophrenia are often very misplaced and inaccurate even if the comparison was appropriate, which it isn’t). People in your audience are struggling, or they know someone who is. Casual references to deeply painful experiences are extremely insensitive. Your words matter, so don’t be surprised when you tap on someone’s pain if they get more than a little upset about it.

Tell People To Have More Faith Or Pray Harder

This one gets me because it isn’t even a good understanding of the Gospel… If the strength of my faith or the muscle of my prayers is what can heal or save me, then I have radically misunderstood what seemed like an obvious and desperate need for the power of Jesus. Healing is a God-thing, not a try-harder-thing. Good spiritual practices do play a role in mental health for all of us, but watch out for language that puts the healing back into the hands of the sufferer. If anything, you are the one who can carry that person to Jesus with the faith that you have on their behalf.

Discourage Treatment

Mental health problems require proper treatment, sometimes including medication. Counseling, inpatient/hospital programs, and medication intervention are all essential to managing and improving mental health. When we as Christians speak doubtfully about treatment options, we discourage those who are unwell to get help. Imagine if you had cancer and your friends all told you that going to the doctor would be a lack of faith because God could heal you. (Sadly, I know of a situation in which this exact scenario happened and the outcome was tragic.) There are some, like those in the Christian Science religion, that do not believe in medical treatment. But Christianity does not have this as a tenet of faith, and we have no problem visiting doctors for all sorts of problems. Become educated about the mental health treatment programs in your area, including emergency services, so that you can help someone in a crisis connect with the appropriate resources.

A little attention and caution goes a long way. Ephesians 4:29 is a helpful reminder for us all:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (NIV).

May we build each other up according to our needs and benefit all who listen.

 

 

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Christians Die of Mental Illness Too

I was deeply saddened along with thousands of others a few years ago when Rick and Kay Warren’s son, Matthew, took his own life. As a mental health professional committed to serving the church, I have sat with many Christians who struggle with concepts of “joy” and “peace.” Unfortunately, the church has typically been a place where those with mental health struggles feel out of place and misunderstood. How can you be a Christian and at the same time want to put an end to your life?

I think it is important to first acknowledge the reality of mental health problems among Christians. In the same way that we see people in the church dying of cancer, riddled with disease, and struggling with physical disabilities we also see many in the church suffering from mental illness. Even this dichotomy of “physical” versus “mental” is false; the brain is a physical part of our bodies and it can become disabled like any other part of the body. Yet we maintain this idea that we can control our emotions, and that when we struggle with finding joy or peace we lack faith.

How do Christians respond to fellow believers with mental illness? If a Christian with bipolar disorder, for example, is in a manic phase he might be praised for his great faith and capacity to serve others without tiring. But upon entering a depressive phase, he is thrust into doubt and despair and others may wonder where he lost his faith in God. Too often, we use emotions as a means of judging a person’s spiritual life. Yet emotions are changing and easily disrupted; the truth of the Gospel does not depend on our emotional state.

With my clients struggling with despair and doubt I have suggested that feelings are not an accurate measure of their spiritual well-being. Finding meaning in obedience, knowledge, and truth can help provide an anchor for faith in the midst of turbulent emotions. Ultimately, the consistent and unfailing compassion of Christ is offered to all of us regardless of our own emotional state. It is this love, this peace, perhaps not felt within ourselves but known to be true that offers hope. When I do not feel peace, He is peace. When I do not feel joy, He is joy. When I do not feel love, He is love.

The church needs to be a place where those who struggle are welcome. The Church Therapy model creates a culture within the church that says, “We expect you to need help with your emotions.” Church Therapy cannot take away mental illness, but with it we can properly assess and treat those suffering in our midst. Sadly, no amount of therapy can prevent every tragedy. We can only turn to God’s mercy and grace to help us in the midst of our deep suffering and pray, “Come quickly, Lord Jesus.”

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No Place for Shame to Hide

It’s everywhere you go, chasing you like a shadow. It stops in to your job or your home uninvited when you least expect it. It lurks in dark corners that you pretend are not there, except in those times you run into the dark to feel hidden for a while.

Shame. A byproduct of a broken heart. Not quite regret, though they are close friends. Embarrassment is a distant cousin. But shame lives in the core of your identity. It seems to define who you are, it whispers lies about what others think.

Everyone has a past. Some carry good memories, others bad, and still others have empty spaces where memories have been forgotten, intentionally or otherwise. These memories give definition to identity. Without memory, we would simply float in a confused vacuum with nothing tying us to anything else. But with memory, pain lingers and wounds are carried far beyond the original damage done.

Imagine walking into a church for the first time in your life, your past and shame following close behind. Truth hitting lies and lies fighting right back, eager to keep the prize they have won in your heart. This is the context of the church. Truth and lies in a bitter battle for souls.

Sadly, many churches lose this battle. Some don’t try to fight. Some fight lies with more lies. And some have good intentions but ran out of weapons long ago. But there are some places where safety exists. Where the healing power of Jesus can reach into this heart-battle and command an end. Where freedom is found and hope is given.

But then what? What is the next step in rebuilding an identity crippled and withered for so many years? For many, it’s therapy. A place to talk, explore, be understood, and develop new ways of seeing oneself. When the church refers people to therapists outside the church, a gap is created. It’s an unintentional gap, but a gap nonetheless. And it is in that tiny crack where shame can hide and resurface long after the “issues” seem done.

This crack is the place in which a person can hide with their doubt and fear. They can develop a “church self” and a “therapy self.” Between those is that place where a person can wonder if the church would really accept them if they knew everything the therapist now knows. And it is the same place where that person can also wonder if the therapist truly cares or if it is just a job. It is the reason that in traditional therapy, clients and therapists are terrified of running into each other in another setting. Reality: this is actually another person I am interacting with! Shame must flee within the confines of those four therapy walls, but shame does not like encountering acceptance in a different context. Fear shouts, “You can’t love me here! Only there!” And often therapists are unsure how to treat clients as people no matter where they are, with awkwardness translating into, “I didn’t sign up to see you right now…”

Church Therapy closes this relational gap, as the church provides therapy within its own context of safety. A licensed professional who is present in the church as a leader and staff member communicates, “We accept you. Tell us everything and we will still be here. You are person who is loved.” It creates a different level of presence that breaks down those artificial barriers that are stigmatizing even though they are accepted practice in the counseling world. I can’t stop caring about my clients when they (or I) leave my office. They can’t write me off as caring only because it is my job to do so. I am present in their lives in a holistic way, on a team with their pastors who are providing additional support and care. Shame is smacked in the face as acceptance and understanding replace fears of rejection. A fully authentic spiritual community reproducing greater authenticity as it accepts each member unconditionally. It is here that healing is found as Christ’s love penetrates every dark corner of the mind and forms a new creation, doing away with the old for good.

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Mental Illness: 7 Key Truths

Mental Illness Is…

Physical and treatable

Get ready for some big, shocking news: the brain is a part of your body! The brain is the most complex and mysterious organs within the body, and we live with a false idea that we are in control (or should be) of all of our emotions. Many factors influence our brain structure and chemistry as well as the neural pathways that our thoughts travel on. Genetic makeup is a factor, but genetics are not set in stone and do not guarantee that you will get an illness simply because there is a family history. Just as a person can have a predisposition for cancer but may or may not develop cancer, so too mental health issues can be genetic but also triggered by environmental factors like stress, loss, trauma and crisis. Hormones can play a role as well, in cases such as postpartum depression, emotional dysregulation in menopause, or as part of more severe symptoms that some experience in a menstrual cycle.

While these illness are not yet curable, they can be treatable with medical and non-medical options, just like other types of diseases. These can include self-care (diet and exercise, sleep, etc.), sharing your feelings with a counselor, and filling your life with positive meaning. We need to talk about emotional/mental health problems the same we do physical illnesses — if you wouldn’t say it to someone with cancer don’t say it to someone who is struggling with anxiety or depression.

Common

1 in 4 Americans will experience symptoms of a mental illness within their lifetime. Also, within any given year 1 in 5 adults is experiencing symptoms of a mental illness. The National Alliance for Mental Illness provides other statistics here. If the Church is doing its job to reach out to the hurting and marginalized, then the rates of mental illness within the Church may actually be higher. You are certainly not alone in your struggle, even as a follower of Jesus.

Not your fault

We tend to blame ourselves for emotional struggles. Why? Because when we feel helpless or face the unknown we look for answers and a place to lay blame. Turn on the news when tragedy strikes — almost immediately the pundits begin to engage in a blame game to try to explain the situation or imagine possibilities of prevention in the future. We also sometimes blame God or become angry with him, but we must remember that our diseased world is a result of original sin and the curse. It is Satan’s masterpiece.

Some people argue, “Are there ways in which we can create anxiety and depression or other emotional problems in our own lives?” Of course. Sin and unhealthy relationships or choices can cause problems. But nothing happens in a vacuum, so there are almost always underlying root issues that may not be your fault that are part of the reason you are engaging in harmful behavior. And a clinical mental illness is a physical disorder not caused by your behavior or personal sin.

Not removed by a “quota” of faith

A recent study by the Christian group LifeWay research looked at attitudes about mental illness within the church. They found that 48% of Christians believe that prayer and Bible study alone can overcome mental illness. Would 48% of Christians believe that prayer and Bible study alone can overcome cancer? Diabetes? High cholesterol? Of course we believe that God can and does instantly heal all kinds of disease, but we understand that miracles are a work of the Holy Spirit and not of ourselves. When we turn faith into a measurable quantity that we have to have “enough” of, we place the power in our own hands to accomplish our own miracle.

You do not experience clinical depression, anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, or any other illness because you lack faith. We experience these because our bodies can be corrupted by disease. We do not get to dictate the timeline of our healing, but we have hope that at the very least in our eternal lives we will no longer suffer.

Not evidence of being a “2nd class Christian”

We have created a class system within the Church that is based on comparing ourselves with others. If we do not fit the mold of “happy Christian” we often feel we are not good enough. Earlier this year while on vacation I visited a church in which the pastor said that he noticed people appeared happy when they came to church on Sundays but then were struggling throughout the week. He asserted, “Let’s not just be happy on Sundays, let’s be happy all week long.” While I’m sure everyone would love to be happy all the time, it is simply not the reality of life.

What happens if you are not happy? Do you have to fake it? If the Church wants to become a safe and authentic community, we must accept others for exactly who they are. You must accept yourself for exactly who you are. In this way we can journey with Jesus together, being honest and vulnerable. 2 Corinthians 12:9 comes to mind here — if His strength is made perfect when we are weak, why are we trying to force being strong all the time?

A place to meet Christ in the midst of suffering

Tim Keller writes in his book “Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering” that the secular world views suffering as a bad thing, but suffering is truly at the heart of Christianity. Jesus voluntary chose a path of suffering, and told his followers they would suffer. If we know that Jesus lived in a place of suffering, then we must ask, “How can I meet Christ in my place of suffering?”

Rather than a spiritual deficit, emotional struggles are a powerful place for spiritual growth. We may need to redefine what “spiritual growth” looks like — have we created a picture of being a happy, upper-middle class American and defined that as what it means to be spiritually mature?  James 1 says that perseverance must finish its work so you can be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. Perseverance requires something difficult, for it is impossible to persevere without struggle.

An opportunity for grace

What is “grace”? Some have defined “grace” as God’s unmerited favor given to us. Unmerited means we do not have to earn it, and “favor” is a type of kindness and blessing. Can you give yourself grace today? What does it mean to be kind to yourself not because you have earned it but because God has given it to you? What does it mean for you to offer grace to a friend who is struggling? What would it mean for the Church to become a place of grace for those who are emotionally suffering?

Check out my other blog post about “A Different Kind of Silence” in which I suggested that as those who have suffered from mental illness begin to speak out and share their stories, the Church should respond with gentle silence. Just listening. A compassionate hug. Weep with those who weep. In doing so, we encounter the love and grace of Christ who allows us to come to Him exactly as we are.

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Resource Spotlight: On Edge 8-Week Curriculum

Do you wish people in your church understood mental illness? Would you love to lead a small group or Sunday school class to decrease stigma and begin some positive dialogue? You can and should do this, and I am proud to shine a spotlight today on my On Edge small group curriculum.

All you need to do is pick a time and a place and everything else you need is in the Leader’s Guide. Each group member will need a copy of On Edge: Mental Illness in the Christian Context and you’ll need just one Leader’s Guide. You’ll find tips on how to lead a group and handle sensitive topics along with how to format and structure the group. Free video links are included so that each week you can let me do the 20-minute teaching segment for you! Discussion questions, key Bible verses, and ways to follow up with group members are all provided in the Leader’s Guide.

I put out this curriculum because every church needs to do this group. We need to have conversations about mental illness. We need to understand the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of mental health disorders. If you are passionate about this topic, lead a group in your church. It’s only 8 weeks, but the positive impact of tearing through stigma in your church will last a lifetime.

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Why We Blame People For Their Mental Illnesses

Most people in and out of the Church can accept that mental illness is real when manifested in a visible way. Someone who has witnessed a person with schizophrenia in a psychotic episode would have no doubt that that illness is real (though some in the Church might actually assess that as demon possession). But what about someone living in reckless ways during a manic episode of bipolar disorder? What about someone who struggles with suicidal thoughts? Where is their faith? Is that sin or illness or both? Are those even the right questions to be asking?

Enter a theology of sin that is not big enough for biological factors to be at play. Those of us Christians who have the privilege of being mentally well generally believe that we are able to control all of our thoughts and choices. When we are tempted, we need to flee from temptation. When we worry, we need to cast our cares on God. These are the responsibilities of the Christian to stay on the narrow path. Perhaps even in this theology we place ourselves in too powerful a position over our own lives. We have to remember that if we have it together, that is solely by the grace of God. Romans 9:16 is helpful here: “So it is God who decides to show mercy. We can neither choose it nor work for it.”

But how do malfunctions of the brain factor in here? Are some more capable of self-control than others? In my book, On Edge: Mental Illness in the Christian Context, I use an example of a person with developmental disabilities. Certainly (hopefully!) no one would expect a person of limited intellectual capacity to have a well-developed theology in order to enter the kingdom of God. (And by the way this is not a requirement Jesus placed on anyone regardless of capacity.) Can, for example, a non-verbal person with autism receive salvation if they cannot understand the Gospel and cannot “confess with their mouth that Jesus is Lord”? Or are they shut out from the Kingdom?

Similarly, a person struggling with depression may not be able to consistently engage at church. They may struggle with doubt or have thoughts of killing themselves. Is this because of a lack of faith? Or is their disordered brain incapable of overcoming these thoughts no matter how much faith they try to muster? And why is it their responsibility to fix this themselves?

This is where the Church has to do its job: demonstrate love and compassion. Why is it not the entire Church’s responsibility to spiritually carry those who are struggling to carry themselves? Why do we not enter into these situations to offer care and non-judgmental support? Why do we have to have a neat and tidy explanation and evaluate the person’s spiritual standing before helping them?

I would like to challenge the Church to rise up to support, love and defend those with mental illness even when we don’t know how to understand or explain it. Let us reach out with open arms to those who are marginalized, misunderstood and downtrodden. Let’s show the love of Jesus and get off the judgment seat in every way. Messages from the pulpit that support a “try harder” theology are unhelpful for all of us. May we live and preach the Gospel in its entirety.

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Happy New Year!

 

Blessings for the new year! I pray that 2018 is full of NEW — new ideas, new experiences, new freedoms, new encouragement. I invite you to check out my daily devotional blog, FreedomForToday.com, along with my FREE app. I’m starting the year off right with a series called 21 Days to Freedom. It’s a great resource for yourself and your church family.

I’m also celebrating the new year by giving away my newest ebook, Becoming the You God Sees, FREE Jan 1 to Jan 5. You can also find my self-paced online course for half price this week too (use coupon code NEWYEAR50).

I would love to connect with you this year. Leave a comment or reach out on Twitter (@ChurchTherapist). Can’t wait to see what God has in store for all of us as we advocate for mental health for the Christian life!